Saltan Vinegar

2012-01-23T04:37:00.001-08:00

"Good Writing Is Stealth. It Will Change You," So Says I.

2012-01-16T02:20:00.000-08:00

It has been told to me that I am a good writer, and I believe it, to a certain extent. However, I am not a good editor, in life or in writing. Although I am getting better at both writing and life management, the words tend to pour out of me like sand in an hourglass. It feels like if I don't get them typed up, the words will disappear like quicksand; like time itself.

The writing that I am producing is moving away from pure humor to something darker and more serious. It is a sinister snicker of laughter...in written form. The written gospel of the underworld of brain dead cool. It hopefully still has a little bite, but the focus has become internal and more succinct.

Sometimes I fear that my writing will come back to bite me in the ass one day. Will I be haunted by something I said? There is written proof of my opinions now, provided by no one other than myself. It is absurd to carry on along this line of reasoning, because even the most autobiographical of stories are just that: stories. Once something is written it becomes somehow less true for me. This is an in tangible event really and more of a metaphorical one. the stories are real. Names have been changed. It is as real as a memory of what happened and although usually factually based anyway, the resonance it has is obtained by its emotional truth.

Furthermore, how can I answer for suppositions I made ten years ago or even six months ago? I was but a baby. My writing is a snapshot of who I am at any given moment. There is much writing on writing. This probably adds nothing to that cannon of inspiring words. Writing is itself a strange phenomenon. I do not know why I feel the need to do it. I do not know why I feel the need to breathe. Both keep me alive. My words let everyone else know what I'm thinking. Hell, it lets me know what I'm thinking.

Lately I want a leather jacket and I'm not even sure why. Perhaps it evokes a sentimentality in myself for rogue writers. Do I see myself as a wanderer like Jack Kerouac? I was never really a fan of On The Road. It never really seemed to get to where it was going. (Oh, the reflection of irony....It is probably time for another attempt and foray into that one). Maybe I see my writing as a revolutionary and a rebellious. I at least hope that it has the power to take the reader on a journey and hopefully alters perspective. Even when I disagree with a writer or the direction the story is being taken in, I like to enjoy the ride. If it sounds good in my inner voice over, it has won me over. If I have found years later that my thinking has been altered because of something I have read, the respect for that writing is astronomical. I love being surprised and transformed by "mere" words. I haven't read much Stephen King, because I feel like he is doing okay without my readership. What little I have read, I have noticed that never is a word wasted. There is a purpose served for every sentence within and it is a natural process for him, one would assume. He retains a cool within his writing that allows him like one of the geekiest men to ever grace this planet in real life physical form. He probably was a geek while growing up. Just read Carrie if you don't believe me. I have thus decided against the rugged bad-assedness that a leather jacket would bring. Ultimately, I'm not sure if the douchbaggery that would result from a leather (or more likely fake leather) jacket is worth it. I seem to be doing fine without it. The desire is likely directly related to boredom and not need.

The writing I do doesn't exist to create a need, it fulfills one. If there are things that are happening in my own life and they can be shared with others, hopefully the experience of reading enlightens them. At the very least, it is intended to amuse. I often say I possibly want to work in advertising, but my true goal is closer to a desire to make interpersonal connections. Reading, like writing does, provides catharsis and hopefully mine does that for someone. To be able to one day do that on a mass scale is a humbling goal, but a plausible one. There is a lot to be said and who better than me to say it?

Even in skyscrapers. Even in corporate advertising, there are stories to tell. Every moment lived serves as fodder for the next piece of writing and therefore, none of it is a waste. I have lived very little in the grand scheme of my life. I rely on hyperbole and excessive dramatization to make the mundane into something narrative and interesting. Much like a reaction between chemicals, the story emerges from the frothy and dangerous overflow of words. The ice melts into a beautiful scenic lake. The fire crackles in the stone fireplace. Words leave my fingertips and my own brand of magic is born. Maybe in all actuality a brand of boredom is borne out of your reading this and you are only continuing out of politeness. There is no quiz though. If you are bored, I apologize. I will try to imbue my writing with something resembling an action sequence. Lastly, I would rather be annoying than boring any day. The hope is that I have overwhelmed you with my pretensions and wowed you with self involvement. All I really hope for is a reaction. Love is preferable, but hate is also welcome.

My ears are always burning... or so they wish to be.

Gambling and Coffee

2012-01-15T04:15:00.001-08:00

For legal reasons, this is a work of fiction. All the parts that may incriminate me or put me in a bad light in terms of work ethic are untrue. Everything else is probably fact.

In the early days, I spent my time mostly in the lottery and pull tab booth. I did not have a gambling problem. I had a job at a gambling institution. My days consisted of big dreams and drastic attempts to do nothing about making those dreams come true. Since lottery service was not the main purpose of a bingo hall, my job was considered to be a luxury feature in this particular establishment. As such, I attempted to live every shift in luxury, relatively speaking.

I would arrive at my shift and chat with someone who would soon become my confidante and partner in weirdness. She is still a dear friend. To this day, I am certain that my former boss, her mother, thinks that we are not of sound mind. My friend is someone who upon first meeting, I felt a connection with. It has happened a few times in my life where I meet someone and almost instantly, something dry, sarcastic and self deprecating is said. It has to be the right amounts of each, and with her it was... although I do not remember the specifics. However, there is something slightly off kilter about both of us that should require medication of some sort. I say that in all honesty. We are great people though. I promise.

We play the games that life likes to play, but we know it's just a game. Life exists within our own negotiations and rationales. We are stubborn and smart, but also self preserving. In short, we are not going to fuck ourselves over, because we understand that social navigation is a delicate ballet. It is full of drama and technique. We make compromises, but we acknowledge when we are compromising. Even if we only admit the defeat to each other, the statement of surrender is enough to alleviate the bruised ego that results from it.

This may just be my own quiet observation of our relationship. I may be making this entire observation up in my own minute brain. I tend to create scenarios and interpersonal ratios in my head. That's just what I do. I watch people and try to figure them out. Sometimes I won't say much to someone I have just met and then one day I say a whole lot. After that point, I usually don't stop saying a whole lot. It's a comfort thing. It's just that it takes the first little while to make an assessment. I'm one part sociologist, one part career girl, and a pinch of sociopath. It works for me and I'm worth it so I work it.

So...

Once my aforementioned friend had left for the day, I would pull out my favorite book of the moment, or my journal, homework, scrapbook, newspaper, etc. and read it. Every once in a while I would be interrupted, often rudely, by someone wanting to buy a scratch and win or a pull tab. If they won, I would have to sell them more tickets until they won what they considered to be a big prize. In relation to what they spent, no prize was ever huge, but to each their own. The distractions I brought with me were all sanctioned by the company as long as the work got done. It was a dream come true. The job was brain-dead boring, but getting paid to read books and doodle was the best thing I could have hoped for back then. I wasn't very ambitious in my 20s. I was kind of lost like we all are. I just didn't pretend otherwise.

Then something changed.

Gradually, I got bored. I needed to move on. I went back to school. The job was alright, because it was at least a job. Maybe it was the recession, but when customers could no longer smoke their cigarettes within our building (or any building in the province for that matter), business kind of almost came to a halt. I got out of the boring cushy job in that lottery booth. It was no longer as cushy anyway. The booth which had been formerly closed in and separated from customers by a small sliding window was now open air. I felt exposed and I felt like I was at work. The only thing that stayed the same was that there wasn't a hell of a lot of work to do in there.

By this point I had started calling bingo numbers. It didn't take me long to get bored and I was quickly becoming adept at sending massive amounts of text messages while working. I would also make shopping lists and finish outlines for my class essays. I would doodle or write poetry. A few weeks after starting to do it (or six years later...I can't remember) , I got reprimanded for texting on company time, so I stopped doing it. It was never done to display outright company defiance. I would never have done it had I not been bored to tears doing mind numbing repetitive bullshit that a chimp could be doing. It was a way of keeping from gouging my eyes out with my bare hands. While the texting stopped, the doodling and writing continued.

I had nothing to grasp onto intellectually and frankly I was losing my mind. Nothing was fun and my intelligence wasn't being challenged. Frankly, at this point I could (and had done) this job in my sleep.

I spent a few more years meandering around the company. I made some friends that I will probably have for the duration of this wonderful life. I didn't make these friends by goofing off or by being bad at my job though. Staying on task, having fun and being challenged by a job are not three mutually exclusive concepts. There is nothing wrong with having a good work ethic. I am just not about the bullshit and I think my friends like and respect me for it (although, I could be wrong). I have been to weddings I have witnessed their children growing older. I'll probably see some of them in hell too. I can actually guarantee a few of them will strike up residence there. It's all good, my dears.

Ultimately though, I realized it was time for me to move on. I'm finally nearing the end of my communications bachelors degree. The official word on the street was that this was the sole reason for my leaving. I wanted to spend more time in class. Yes, that was a large part of it, but it was more of a catalyst than anything. I'm sure you can hazzard a guess at the accompanying reasons. If you like, I can tell you all of them off the record.

The new job i have started is actually proving to be in line with both my personality, and possibly, with my career goals. In general, I am in a better place. I'm old enough to know a little better but still young enough to get away with a wry smirk and a bitchy quip.

The dust is settling and I like where I am. In life. Sorrow and regret is better left to those who devote their time to making others miserable. You know who you are.

For me, the end of that era only marks the beginning of a new one. Too content to be mad and too excited to remain complacent.

The night may be young. I may not be wise, but I'll keep on striving.

I am my mother's son. I do know everything there is to know about anything.

2012-01-04T13:39:00.000-08:00

Do I want to change the world? Sure. Of course. Do I have the means to do it? Not yet.

People that aren't enjoying getting older are doing it wrong. Life finally starts to come together at a certain point and the roads all merge into a unified path. What you have blindly been working towards hopefully starts to formulate before your eyes. The seemingly disparate elements of my work, education and personal life are converging and making sense.

I am marking the end of my youth by writing this. Age has not overtaken me. Crippled limbs and incontinence are not among my present burdens, but the constant search for a sense of self is distancing itself from my life every day. There are three choice pieces of colloquial wisdom I have retained from living the first chapter of my life:

Think it through
Trust your instincts
Live your own life

I am saying I have all the answers. I just don't have them for YOU. No one has lived your life, and therefore can not make any final decisions to impact your life. My life decisions shouldn't impact anyone else's. It is ridiculous to assume that they should.

Keeping up with anyone else's path is not a concern for me. Being liked has never been a major concern for me, but it is even less of one the older I get. I figure that it will work itself out naturally. The people that I want around me will gravitate towards me as a result of shared world views. Like attracts like. Being myself is something I have little control over if we are examining the phenomenon on a long term basis. I can fake it during a chance encounter or brief meeting, but inevitably my true personality emerges.

Every relationship I have ever had, romantic or otherwise, that means anything to me has been tumultuous (in varying degrees). People I have told to "Fuck Off!" or have gone years without speaking to because of very real and distinct clashes between us are among my closest friends. I love them and my relationship with each of those people is undeniably strong. I don't go out of my way to cause trouble, but disagreements emerge as a result of being a human being. I refuse to be a stepford friend. Knowing that I disagree with you should not be grounds for immediate dismissal. For the most part though, I have found more eloquent ways of disagreeing than "Fuck Off!". I now say, "Fuck Off, dear friend!".

Side note: Fuck is just a word. If you are saying "Friggin'" or "Freakin'" but it means the same thing, you are still fucking saying "fucking."

So why am I like this? I blame my mother. Not for the potty mouth, but for the rest of how I am. Clearly all of my mannerisms and quirks have been inherited from my father, but the way in which I conduct myself is distinctly a result of my mother and grandmother's influence.

I am my mother's son in many ways. Although we often come from differing starting points, we both stand our ground in an argument. She taught me to have strong convictions and allow for minor hypocrisies in personal ideology. To say that my mother has a strong sense of character is a major understatement. To say that she doesn't easily fit categorization is also an absolute truth. I do not know my mother to take anything important at face value. Let me explain.

She is a Catholic, but disagrees with much of the hypocrisy of the church. Her belief in God is strong, but she is able to recognize why I have problems with religion...organized or otherwise.

She loves being a nurse but disagrees with how nursing is done. Her home healthcare business had the potential to be a juggernaut in the local industry. She was never wanting for clients. She purposefully declined in order to retain a level of service she was comfortable with. Frankly, I wish she would have gone against what she believed. I'm not a nurse though and I would have liked to have been rich off the sick. This is why I am not in the healthcare industry, I suppose.

I joke. I kid. Even with these tools of humor and these few examples I can not begin to explain my mother in a way that you will understand. There is an encyclopedia's worth of complexity to delve into another day. For now, rest assured that most decisions I make, I find myself asking how my mother would handle it. I may come to different conclusions than she would, but the fact that I am searching for my own answers and carving out my own path is ultimately part of my mother's legacy. Any success I have must be partially attributed to her.

I love you, mom.....and will end this the same way many of our arguments end:

"I'm right."

"I'm right."

"I'm right."

"I'm right."

"I'm right."

and so on....

And for just one moment everything was right.

2011-12-28T04:33:00.000-08:00

"Just don't forget where you came from.

Don't forget who you are.

They're all beatin' the same drum."

I kind of heard Sam Robert's Collider earlier this year, but hadn't paid that much attention to it. He has always been pretty decent although never really life changing. Something good to listen to, but never really contributing to the pantheon of great music. Each album has admittedly been better than the last, but I didn't feel he had reached his potential yet.

Collider changes this. It sounds distinctly Canadian, but reminds me of the best parts of Ryan Adams, Bruce Springsteen and Bob Dylan. It blends his influences into something unique and varied enough that I feel a sense of nationalistic pride. I am passively patriotic as a result, which is apparently my country's way anyway. I don't mean to speak so much about Canada or its musical culture but I think it is important when talking about Sam Roberts. Growing up, liking Canadian music was a little embarrassing. All we had was Nickleback, really. For every Neil Young there was a Barenaked Ladies. There was something disingenious about my nation's musical exports. Alanis was still a psuedo-grunge joke to me. Having Canadian music that I can be proud of is a huge milestone that I never thought I would successfully cross.

Another favorite Canadian band, Tegan and Sara released a live album this year called Get Along. It is a collection of songs performed mostly acoustically in a studio space in Vancouver for a live audience. They, as a band encompass the Canadian experience from both sides of the country. Music is places. Music is cities and lives made into sound and words. They are Vancouver and they are Montreal. The mere fact that they were able to make this album is a testament to how far Canadian music has come. Success in the American market is beside the point. I am happy for artists able to do so, but artistic achievements that represent Canada are important. There is something intangible that feels Canadian. I can't put my finger on it or even tell you how it is different from American music, but that's not how music works. Music is about atmosphere and the invocation of feelings.

When I met Sam Roberts it was in a major retail store. He did, however, look like a homeless man. He may have been mistaken for a member of the Manson Family if this were Death Valley in '69. That's how I like my rock stars. A little bit dirty and a little bit rough. Well, it isn't really necessary, but for a time, in the early years of his career, it added to the mystique. Wait, that isn't true either. I think Roberts was just fighting against his naturally good looks. The beard and the scruff were a good way of avoiding being pigeonholed as the dreamboat pop singer and allowed him to rock out with the best of them. 10 years later, he can look however he wants to look. He has proven his artistic merit and has been left alone to hone his craft. There is little pressure on him now to become the next big Canadian band/artist to emerge as a viable export to the south. There is less interest in him being commercial than there is in him being credible.

With all due respect to both artists, Sam Roberts is not as weird as Tegan and Sara. His music isn't strange enough to get hipster cred. His songs, while beautifully constructed, are fairly straightforward. If we want to carry the comparison forward, he is all Tegan and no Sara. There is nothing wrong with this, but there is nothing hip about his music. It is constructed like classic rock. It sounds like the next step in that genre. Can there be such a thing as new classic rock? Genres stupefy me. I only know that this music is good. It makes me feel something.

At this point, it is 4am. I have to work tomorrow and I am not sure what I am rambling on about. I love both Sam Roberts' Collider and Tegan and Sara's Get Along. They give me hope for what Canadian music is capable of.

We have grown as a nation. I have never been so proud than I am of great art. The Year isn't quite over. Maybe Collider should be on my top album list. Finally something made in my country makes me feel something about it that isn't expressed by "Well, America has done this, but better." It isn't just great music for Canada. It is just great music. That in and of itself feels like an accomplishment and a real reason for some unabashed nationalism.

Oh, Canada.

2011: Pioneers (Part 2)

2011-12-17T02:35:00.000-08:00

Albums: I have also included a video of songs you may not have heard...Except Adele because if you haven't heard her this year, I'm not sure that you listen to music or leave your house at any time.

1.Patrick stump - Soul Punk

Michael Jackson is dead, but we may have a worthy successor. This album mixes MJ with Prince and small echoes of Fall Out "soul" to create whatever this happens to be. It excites me most because not long ago, he was not considered to be much of a creative force. The credit was largely given to the lyricist of his previous band (Fall Out Boy). Truth be told, Stump could have sang anything and made it sound beautiful. He can sing as well as anyone on idol but his vocals remain a paradox of mind blowingly amazing and unassuming. His work here is different from anything he has done in rock music. It is a great pop album and quite impressive for a debut. The songs are fully realized masterpieces. It is impressive on it's own, but knowing that every single note was sung and played by Stump himself proves his genius. It is a solo album in the most basic sense of the word, and it is fantastic.

2.Lady gaga- Born This Way

Yeah, Yeah. No one can write anything new about this album. Some of the initial singles weren\t the strongest, but as an album it makes perfect sense. It is a cohesive artistic vision of which a singular element is difficult to seperate without compromising the album\s intention. This is rare in the music industry at large and unheard of in mainstream commercial dance oriented pop music. Building a dance music album on notions of alienation is brilliant. The entire work is a call for integrity and fighting for the right to expression. Religious metaphors have been used in music before, but why have they been absent lately? It was time for Catholic imagery to be once again be imparted on the youth. This album has been criticized for being anti-christian but I think it is quite the opposite. The overall tone is one of acceptance and forgiveness in virtually every song. The religious metaphors work in the same way as parables. They are attempting to teach life lessons. Clearly the centrepiece of the album, Hair exemplifies this best. Hair is often used in the bible to signify great strength. In the song, strength of character is found in the ability to have control over hairstyle. The album is not trivial and it is not vacuous although it has been written off as such. It does have something to say. To insist otherwise undermines Gaga's talent and vision. Sure, she is ridiculous, but self-consciously so. Her commitment to her art is genuine and obsessive and it shows. Her success is both a symptom and a cause of her own psychosis.

3.Foo Fighters - Wasting Light.

Their last few albums have been heralded as the great return of this band. While they have never been horrible and have been preferable to a ton of schlock that exists in "ROCK" music, they haven't been GREAT for a few albums. They keep putting out solid albums but since The Colour and The Shape, things have been a little lacking in pushing themselves forward artistically. Even their double disc album didn't fulfill what I knew they were capable of. This album delivers and lives up to every expectation I've had for them since 1997. With Butch Vig on board to produce, the warmth is back. A new rawness is present as they head into an era of their band in which they have nothing to prove and are rich enough to put out whatever they want. Instead of using the opportunity to sit back, they're storming ahead, with enough force to make you finally forget that any of the members were ever in any other band.

4.The Maine - Pioneer

This album is way more ambitious than it should be at this point in their career. The band is barely into their 20s and are already on their third album. They should be enjoying a silly career wave and not thinking about writing better songs yet. They are smart to trudge ahead though. Instead of the juvenile pop punk music they were quite adept at making, this album delves into more respectable territory. This is music that will last longer than a few months. They are looking to join the ranks of bands with bigger aspirations than playing warped tour (not that that's bad, but you know what I mean). There are tinges of the early 90s, and tones of Tom Petty. They aren't quite where they want to be artistically yet, but they are heading in the right direction. Each album takes leaps forward in depth and maturity. They manage to do this in half the time it takes other bands, most of whom struggle to release the same shit over and over again. Apparently the album was a struggle to get out, but clearly it was well worth it.

5.Kelly Clarkson- Stronger

She had a rock album out a few years ago that I loved and pretty much everyone else hated. Then she put out an awkward album of disjointed styles, which was interesting but made me a little nervous. I didn't need a pure pop album, because she had obviously moved past that artistically. However, I was wondering if she would ever get to make the album that will define her career. This will hopefully that album. The title refers to personal lyrical content, but could very well refer to the songs themselves. They play to all of Kelly's strengths. Everything works together, and while she can sing anything and make it sound good, these all sound like songs she wanted to sing them. Her heart is in it. Nothing sounds forced despite a variety of styles. I know she has had a mega hit before, but in terms of quality, this overshadows that one by leaps and bounds. There is not a bad or awkward song among the many tracks on this album.

6.Joseph Arthur - The Graduation Ceremony

After having released approximately 10 or so albums, Arthur appears to have not run out of ideas. This album is more somber lyrically than his last, but you would never know it. He doesn;t have a horrible album in his entire catalogue. This is no exception. It is lush and full of longing for a lover that did not stay as requested. There is a feeling of nomadic movement throughout the songs as if a search commenced after the lover's departure. Lyrics like "You said I have to become a dancer and started shooting at my feet" suggest unrest and weariness that the accompanying musical composition confirms. Never has sorrow sounded so sweet.

7.Jacks Mannequin - People and Things

The last album was concerned with his recovery from cancer and this one marks a return to living life for life's sake. As a result the themes are large and sweeping. There is much concern with freedom and dreaming. The sound is very light and bright without tackling too much. Life itself is enough of a propelling force to drive this album along. It is nice to hear artful songs for their own sake. The darkness has lifted and I can appreciate the change in tone. He is happy to be alive and I am too.

8. Ryan Adams - Ashes and Fire

If he hadn't told us, we wouldn't have known that he had to learn how to play the guitar all over again. This just sounds like another brilliant album from the prolific artist. It marks an artistic restraint absent from much of his other work. The wild immediacy has been replaced by coherent structure and less hasty composition. The album presents comfort more than showmanship.

9. Gavin DeGraw - Sweeter

His previous albums hinted at a talent that was not yet fully realized. Here, it all comes to fruition. He reaches creative strides that he had not formerly been able to articulate. His artistry has evolved to the stage where his emotions and words fall into place with the notes and his career has reached a point at which he has greater control. The production is no longer too slick for the grainyness of his voice. He was mugged and beaten quite severely just prior to the release of this album. I can't help think that maybe they thought he had this album on hand. It is that wonderful.

10. The Sounds- Something To Die For

Maybe producing their own album made it better. Before I had heard this album, I had become kind of tired with the monotonous vocals of this band. There was something that signified a band that had run out of inspiration. They seemed to be stagnant. Maybe they felt the same, because everything got a little better this time around. This album has renewed my interest in all their music, and any album that can do that deserves to be on this list.

11. Beyonce - 4

Not AS bombastic as usual and not as thematic either. In this case, that is a good thing. There is no "Single Ladies" dragging the quality of the album down. Maybe that problem with the last album was exclusively in my head. This sounds like it was recorded without a thought about making money, which is absurd because this is a Beyonce album. She is all about the green. Just listen to her songs. However, in some other world, she recorded this album where she sounds full of sincerity. I am perplexed by how free and powerful her singing is on this album. Perhaps this is merely a bridge to a lullaby album. One thing I can be absolutely sure of is that she is going to be one really annoying mother. The video I am posting for this album is ridiculous.

12. Erik Hassle - The Mariefred Sessions EP

Pure smart guitar based pop music from Sweden. Where else, right? The electronic elements of his music aren't obtrusive, and work perfectly with the warmer and human aspect of the music (Think of the wonderful Two Door Cinema Club). This is a short, yet concise album of songs. "Stay Away" is a higlight among many shining stars. Come to think of it, I am no longer sure what the base element of this music is. It may be electronic bliss or perfect guitar sounds. It works so well as a whole that it is hard to tell. All songs are sung in the key of desperation.

13. Cobra Starship - Night Shades

I had no idea that Cobra Starship had become a pretty popular band. I had just assumed that everyone still thought they were a joke band from Snakes On A Plane. This album turns down the guitars a little bit and makes a cool album now that they're...cool. It is fine with me. They can show all those pop bitches how to really write a hook. A lot of these songs (the best ones)sound like club ready and I think that's right what they wanted. They aren't doing the same things they did and they don't sound like everyone else. The album got them a tour gig opening for Beiber, which is weird and great. They must be doing something right and it feels subversive so good on them.

14. Juliana Hatfield - There's Always Another Girl.

This is a sad and lamenting album, but a great one. Hatfield is a fiercly intelligent woman, but her music seems to grow exclusively out of her psychosis and neurosis. Her songs never reach a happy point, they only become complacent at best. She is lost here among thoughts of women's role in society and the double standard that exists regarding gender. I can't decide if its empowering or heartbreaking....as usual with her, its probably both.

15. Every Avenue - Bad Habits

Pretty much like their last album, but who cares? It sounds slick and rough. Yeah, I'm standing by that juxtaposition. Listening to it, right now, it sounds like Nickelback if that horrible band was more pop and didn't completely suck. That's not fair...I shouldn't invoke the 5cent name if I actually want people to listen to them. It sounds like being at the bar and smoking a cigarette. I think that's what they were going for.

16. The Cab - Symphony Soldier

The only problem is that it alternately tries to cut too deep and then play it a bit shallow. Thematically, it isn't very album-like. Can the singer sing though? He can belt it out and hit every single note he aims for. The sequencing is off. The album has wonderful songs about falling in love and all the feelings that brings on, but instead of flowing in some sort of emotional pattern, they are interspersed with songs about being fucked over by a lover. All the songs are fantastic, but the narrative goes back and forth. Maybe I am in the minority, but I do care about the entire album and how I hear the songs, not just if. That being said, the songs are fantastic. Just put it on shuffle. :)

17. Aqua - Megalomania

You all think you are better than this album. You are wrong. I have no idea why it took so long for them to put out another album. Perhaps they had to wait for popular taste to run in their direction again. Whatever the case, this is magical pop that sounds vapid but is a little more sinister. Get over yourself and you will love it. Dance.

18. Dolly Parton - Better Day

This is the most punk album released this year. Sure, it sounds country. I'm not debating that. However, Dolly takes on the religious extremists, Country music elitists and assholes in general. I can't love anyone more than I love Dolly. She is a fantastic song writer and she never quits in terms of talent. We all know she looks like a cheap hooker. That was all part of the plan, so let it go. She has more heart and talent than anyone out there and this is her best album in years. Country is as Country does.

19. Patrick Wolf - Lupercalia

Patrick Wolf has finally made a conventional album. Maybe it sounds like circa 1987 Bruce Springsteen, but so what? He still cuts his own hair, but why shouldn't he have a hit album? He is supremely talented. At least on this album, he has stopped chasing a dark electronic demon. He embraces horns and in turn they allow him to make the grandest music of his career. Of course, as there always is with him, there is an underlying melancholy about emotional unrest and unhappiness. You will love it.

20. Ben Lee - Deeper Into Dream

If you could die from earnestness, Ben Lee probably would be on his last legs. The reason this album is so low on the list is because of the dream-state intros in which Lee and his friends discuss their craziest weirdest spaced out dreams. Yeah, he worked with a dream specialist for a few years and this album was the result. It is quite dreamy, but stop talking while I am trying to drift off. It doesn't help the situation. To be honest, its quite a good album though once you get past the other junk. It really does get to the heart of dreams and feels like a dream while listening.... which leads me to ask..Why all the talking? We get it.

21. Adele - 21

This is not a solid album. The songs that stand out are amazing and the rest I can't remember unless the album is playing. She has a great voice and a couple good songs, but she needs to work a little harder on quantity, because she has the quality thing down. I don't think that its that the other songs are bad. They are just redundant. It could have been a very strong shorter album. Preferably the first five songs, "Take It All" and "Someone Like You." I suppose if she isn't putting out anything for at least 3 more years like she says, those other songs will tide people over, if they can remember them. My suggestion to her though: Make them all great. You are capable.

22. Ben folds- The Best Imitation of Myself: A Retrospective

Not a real album. It is a retrospective, but Ben Folds kicks the asses of most new songwriters. If you listen to half of them talk about their influences and career idols, Folds comes up a lot. He has worked with artists as disparate as William Shatner, Weird Al and Nick Hornby. His piano driven songs have lasted about two decades now. Katy Perry's voice (who also cites him as an influence) can't last through an entire song. Bitch can't sing. Ben Folds is fucking amazing, so deal with it. This retrospective was helmed by him. It really does provide a definitive account of his legacy. If you can spring for it, get the three disc version. Folds is best live. The 3 disc version includes a live disc and a rarities disc. If you are broke or poor, the single disc is amazing enough though. Yes, this is only at the end of the list because its not new music...ok....night....I'm out. :)

2011: Ghosts and Planets (Part 1 of 2)

2011-12-14T03:00:00.000-08:00

Usually, I do an end of the year, or a number of end of the year postings. I don't have much time throughout the year to update and I'm distinctly forced to write for school projects and be drained of any creative energy to contribute to what I would deem creative endevours.

My reviews take the form of lists and while I am rarely boring, the format strikes me as at least a little predictible. Life doesn't organize itself in lists (well, mine does, but that isn't the core of this argument). Life comes at you as is, when it is ready, not when you are.

Although most of the music choices are current and virutally complete for the year, my movie watching and to a greater extent, my reading list, operate in vastly different ways. This year I want to approach my reflection of this year in a more holistic manner. As i get older, I am more keen to edit myself and produce the best form of, well....whatever I'm doing rather than rush. I don't have time to rush really. Even if it is on my own terms, I will take my time. Perhaps it is a sign of maturation or it may be that pesky laziness again, but I like to believe it is neither. I just want to share the best and most inspiring of what I have learned from this year, in a concise form.

Since it came to me like a thunderous nightmare, yet a dream, I might as well discuss Gregg Olsen's book, Starvation Heights. I had only vaguely been interested in crime writing previous to reading this. I happened to go on a ghost tour of Seattle's Pike Market this fall, which I highly recommend. The book was one of the stories told on the tour and as such, the book was sold in the gift shop which I perused afterwards.

I was hesitant on whether to buy it, but unlike many true crime novels, the cover wasn't hideous. Just a side note, but it has always bothered me that we are told to not judge a book by it's cover. The analogy can't even be applied to judging people. Most of the time when I go with my instincts about people, I'm rarely wrong. You can base an analysis of a person on body language and facial expressions along with a variety of other cues and clues. A good cover (in both situations) is representative of the tone of the story and if I ever get published, I will most definately fight for cover approval. I have stacks of books I have had for years and never read, merely based on their cover. Don't worry. I will get to them when it is time.

Back to Starvation Heights. Olsen has written a narrative of the starvation murders of a pair of sisters. The events depicted took place on a small island outside of Seattle, Washington in the early 1900s. It is heavily rooted in documented fact, but what sets it apart is the compassion Olsen has for the victims concerned. There is an unwritten dedication to dead sisters long forgotten by most. Instead of poking fun at simpler times and making light of scientific advances since the horrific events depicted, a respect for the past is deeply realized within the beautifully contructed prose. A new legacy, one that shows sensitivity and does not derive from the misery surrounging their deaths, is carved out for the sisters.

Although this was not written this calendar year, it inspired me greatly, not only to write, but to write better. It makes me want to tell stories that are important to tell, whether they be fiction or fact. Both can be based in truth of intention. I have begun a dialogue with the author through my response to his writing and having the gesture reciprocated. I sincerely hope that this relationship continues throughout my career. That is why this work is important to include in this yearly summary of my life. I read this book and it helped bring me to life, so in a way, I figure I owe it and I owe Gregg.

Most of what else I have read this year has either been lacklustre, I have not finished or was part of a larger series of readings for school. While interesting, the latter do not merit mention.

Now on to movies.

2011 Flicks

Melancholia was by far the best movie of the year. I watched it twice within one week. It is a slow burner of a movie, but no other film was more nuanced when talking about depression and power dynamics. It is more inspiring than depressing. Told in two seperate parts, the power paradigm of the family shifts. It also riffs on capitalism and what intitutions represent in addition to tackling the issue of real clinical depression. Fantastically engaging movie that didn't really shock me per se, but left me thinking long after the final fade to black.

Hanna was a mix of perfect comedy and thrilling action without compromising either to fit a unified theme. A complete seamless hybrid of genre and therefore everything that a movie should be.

Horrible Bosses: Even if you don't hate your boss, you should love this movie. These bosses are horrible people. Charlie Day annoys the eff out of me, but it works for this movie. Aniston proves why Friends was terrible and why she is great. Side note: Every actor from Friends is great....outside of the confines of that lacklustre show.

Bridesmaids: The second best comedy of the year. You have all seen it, I know. My main problem with it was the 'gross out' scene. It seemed beneath the rest of the movie in terms of intelligence. I don't find shit jokes offensive, but i don't find them funny in any movie. EVER! Kristen Wiig has been the star of everything she is in for a long time, so it is nice to see her finally get her due.

The Help: Maids and stories. How can white people understand black culture enough to write about it? uhhh, isn't that what this movie is about? the capability for human compassion. Fuck, people. Oh, and Emma Stone takes an acting leap forward.

Insidious: Scary until the bottom third when it becomes a mere tribute to classic horror. Still love it til the end.

Super 8: A loving tribute to the 80s and my entire childhood. Bringing emotion and imagination back to family entertainment.

Crazy, Stupid, Love: Weird cast and a quirky script. A rom-com I didn't hate.

Rise of The Planet of The Apes: Cgi with heart. weird. Ignore the clunky title and just watch it.

The Muppets: If Jason Segel has no other legacy (Apart from appearing in the best tv show about high school to ever be cancelled, Freaks and Geeks) it will be bringing back this beloved franchise in a way that feels right.

Part 2 COMING SOON!

Courtney Love, Riot Grrrls and The Many Faces of Sexism.

2011-12-04T22:17:00.000-08:00

There are few people more divisive and contradictory in popular music culture than Courtney Love.

She exists in the struggle between conformity and rebellion. She is a rock star in a male dominated genre of music, yet is rejected by her female peers for not subscribing to their particular brand of feminism. Even in a subculture based around the celebration of being an outsider, she does not belong. Furthermore, she will always be referenced as a footnote to Seattle rock's most famous export, Kurt Cobain. This sexist assumption that a female rock star can not exist authentically within these paradoxes, has shaped her career and her life. A constant choir of disapproval has fed into her appetite for self-destruction and made her persona forever one of a struggling and insane addict. There is much more to her, but it is safer for the status quo if she is seen this way.

Courtney Love will forever be defined by her relationship to Kurt Cobain. She is easier to understand as a grieving, raging widow than a musician with an independent muse. As cited in Murphy's article, Courtney Love's band, Hole, released their debut before she met Kurt Cobain and it in fact, outsold Nirvana's debut (140). She was a self defined artist that happened to fall in love with someone that would be the biggest rock star in the world for a time. The media painted Love as riding Cobain's coattails and credited him with her subsequent success.

The reason Love remains part of the feminist history is that she is able to manipulate her role in public consciousness despite her associations with Cobain. Despite accusations to the contrary, she is in charge of her own career. No one is telling her what to do. She is an ambitious woman that wanted to be famous and became famous. This is, however, fighting a losing battle because, “it would appear that women are only allowed success if it is bequeathed to them by a higher power, like a husband” (Murphy 158). Love is allowed to be famous, but only by association with Kurt Cobain, not in her own right. All the arguments against this suggest that fame should not be the goal, but artistry should. There is not room for commercial artistry within our expectations of the contemporary woman.

Even some audience's admit that their interest in Courtney Love is amplified by her marital association with Kurt Cobain. In the context of “Grieving and heartbroken [widow], Love was frighteningly tragic, amazingly artistic, and relentlessly self-destructive” (Jackson 155) and it was acceptable. Love was all those things previous to even meeting her husband. However, If she states she was angry for reasons related directly to her experiences as a woman, she is told those are not to be dealt with publicly. A wife not able to function without her husband is a digestible role for a woman to inhabit, but a woman dealing with her own problems is apparently not.

This is another one of Love's contradictions. She is chastised and ridiculed in the media for being “a talentless, bloodthirsty, media-hungry bitch” (Jackson 155), because critics are mistaking ambition for those things. If she wants fame that bad, they can't see how she could possibly actually deserve it and assume it is a con. Maybe there is a subversive and positively feminist purpose to her desire to achieve mainstream popularity.

Love emerged as a star from the Riot Grrrl subculture, which was not supposed to have a star. She herself said she was not “ allowed to be grunge... was never allowed to be Riot Grrrl... Those girls hated [her]..because [her] feminism came in a weird brand according to them” (Love, YouTube). Her subsequent career decisions were based on “[Riot Grrrl's] refusal to accept her and other rock women’s success” (Murphy 149). If she could not join them, she would beat them. Only after the Riot Grrrl movement had been incorporated, did artists emerge that were pseudo subversive. These new women presented themselves as angry, “and stereotypically feminine [in] appearance, [allowing] them to be angry without being threatening” (Schlit 11). Therefore this new music was limited in its artistic purpose. Hole's music lies somewhere in between the rough indie aesthetic and a mainstream pop one.

Love wanted to write pop songs in an attempt to be subversive. However, the movement was built on “feminist cultural capital [and that is what] allows it to emerge as a genre (Murphy, 144). It is essentially a punk derivative as far as aesthetics. In a genre that espouses “a rejection of corporate production” (Murphy 144), Courtney Love realizing her major label corporate pop rock sound is frowned upon. The role of women in music is either purely melodic and safe or eschewing those very sounds. Her choice was to conform to either ideal and in the punkest fashion, she ignored those choices and decided to make music that is both melodic and rough around the edges.

She wrote an entire song about it called “Rock Star” in which she “rejects the orthodoxy that permeates the... Riot Grrrl scene (Murphy 148). It talks about how the scene had by that point become another set of restrictions. It was not progressive, but hindering to artistic development. Riot Grrrl, by this point had become a media joke and lost much of its power. It had essentially become classified as a number of girl bands throwing a tantrum. She had rejected being part of the stifling movement and wanted to be as big as a male driven band, which of course led to more commercial music being envisioned.

Love was a student of music history and wanted to be like the big rock bands she had grown up with. She did not subscribe to the school of thought that paired commercial success with a notion of “selling out.” Riot Grrrls conversely thought that if a band made “a song that had the potential to be a commercial success was to compromise [the band’s] artistic integrity” (Murphy 148). This is rightfully considered to be absurd by Love, whose second album, Live Through This, “was the product of a much more proficient and tighter band” (Murphy 148). There is no way that an artistic growth can compromise integrity. By Riot Grrrl logic, the band should pretend they can not play their instruments to preserve their authenticity. This is an absurd statement and to do such a thing would play into feminine stereotypes that suggest women are incapable.

When the music did get melodic, it did not reflect the earlier, harder edged work she had produced. The immediate reaction was that her husband, Cobain, must have written it. It was not a tangible thought that she would be influenced by and simultaneously influence her husbands work. In the eyes of the media, it was a chance to demean Love's ability and claim, yet again, the genius of Cobain.

The media also likes to place female musicians, as it does all public female figures as being in direct competition with their female peers. They paint an ugly picture that involves them in feuds with each other. If women can be shown to be in “fights [it is] in order to ridicule and dismiss the opinions of the women involved” (Murphy 151). It is not that women always agree, but that any disagreement is blown out of proportion in order to discredit women. How it discredits them is not clear, because male musicians have been carrying on public feuds in the press for decades. Their credibility is not based on being nice though. It just shows how inherent the sexism is in popular music. We do not readily accept strong women with opinions and an impolite nature. Love has been quite outspoken throughout the course of her career and it has led to her being written off as insane or unintelligent. There should be room for both disagreement and support. It is the nature of art to conflict with other artistic views but it must be recognized if we value feminism at all that all artistic views are equal and valid.

There is a need in our culture for women to be contradictory in ways that are safe. Love is expected to be beautiful in order to have her message heard. This is because “[t]here is a dominant assumption that only the attractive are worthy of attention, and a simultaneous refusal to admit that a beautiful woman can” (Murphy 154), be feminist. Courtney Love proves that you can care about how you look and be a feminist. Her appearance is merely a tool to show her ideals to her audience. Cultivating an appearance rather than letting one organically exist, remains feminist when the motivations come from within rather than from external sources.

She may have been driven to her perpetually unstable state by a constant questioning of her right to even be making music. Love has no formal training as a musician and does not write every note of her songs. Male musicians do the same, but most retain their credentials. Not every musician is a virtuoso, but women get more criticism for the same artistic shortcomings.

Courtney Love had her credibility questioned even further when she left music for a time to be a Hollywood actress. People could not see the relevance of rock songs, which are meant to be the voice of the working class, written by someone that was buying in to the fakeness that is Hollywood. For Love, it was a “refusal to be contained by her infamy as the punk pin-up girl” (Murphy 152). She was still writing from an outsider’s perspective. She admitted that she never felt like she belonged in the crowd. In this sense, she was more subversive than she is given credit for. She was commenting no longer from the outside, but from a privileged platform. Finally, she was an outsider on the inside.

She is taking power of her image by doing what looks to the Riot Grrrls like conforming. Her “physical transformation demonstrates a disciplined mobilization of bodily surfaces. She is knowingly altering her appearance so as to provide herself with more economic power” (Murphy 153). It was not a surrender, but a disguise in order to increase her audience. Her message about transformation and rebirth was personified and now she felt she could reach young teen girls and actually make a difference. The decision to make increasingly commercial music was not an arbitrary choice at all.

Unlike her peers, Love saw the hegemonic power of being a commercial success, not in terms of conforming but in coercing others to follow her lead. Instead of existing as a subculture in opposition to the mainstream, she wanted to take over the mainstream with Hole. She wanted to take beauty and examine it as someone who was artificially made beautiful, through the use of various cosmetic surgeries. Her hope seems to be that the meanings created by the majority “can be fractured, challenged, over-ruled, and resistance to the groups in dominance cannot always be lightly dismissed or automatically incorporated” (Hebdige 16-17). She hoped that she could change what the perception of rock and what a female rock star is.

This version of incorporating Love's brand of feminism and punk rock does not serve to make her less threatening. It merely makes the threat she poses more covert. She is now working within the system to change that very system. Her popularity will allow her to promote other causes and career aspirations that she may not otherwise be able to. Women are more likely to be called negatively opportunistic than men, when their goals are often the same.

Kurt Cobain is commonly regarded as a genius, even though his band, Nirvana, was one of the most popular bands in the world at one point. The key to his success as a mainstream artist was his outward rejection of it. Although his band was immensely popular, and “Kurt knew [corporate rock] sucked, knew he'd been sucked in and hated himself for being there” (Coyle and Dolan 21). Courtney Love does not have the same luxury because she is a woman and she is aware of the power of mainstream. She will not pretend that she doesn't want success and all the perks it brings.

To promote the release of Hole's album Nobody's Daughter in 2010, Love “made an appearance at the Oxford union, where she apparently wowed the assembled undergraduates with her knowledge of Shakespeare and Mozart” (Petridis). Love does not get any credit for intelligence, because she is more than left of centre. The problem with her is not a lack of ideas, but far too many all trying to escape her mind at once. We are quite comfortable with the idea of a male mad genius, but we like our intelligent females to be easily digestible, demure and composed. Courtney Love is not.

Maybe it is in relation to her sexuality, but more likely it is in relation to her life that she makes the decision to keep chasing the mainstream. An obsession with authenticity arguably helped to end her husband's life and provoked the “self-destruction of Nirvana” (Coyle and Dolan 19). She saw first hand what an insignificant thing debating “what commercial music has to do with authenticity” (Coyle and Dolan 19) is, especially in terms of taking one's own life. She saw, albeit after a bout of self-destruction, that the fame headed her way was worth embracing. It would benefit herself and had the potential to serve a greater social purpose. She could influence young girls in a way that she wished she had been helped.

In order to sell that commercial friendly music, she had to look the part. People that want to listen to mainstream music, want to also be mainstream. The ugly girls are not allowed to be mainstream. Love essentially believes that the medium is the message and she is the medium. She is a vessel for the message her music brings and “places plastic surgery within the realm of commercial necessity” (Murphy 157). It is merely a job requirement, much like a uniform, but on a grander and more permanent scale.

The media would have everyone believe that Love will ultimately fail and be a footnote in pop culture history. This is not the case though as she continues to evolve and face her demons, sometimes very publicly. Most notably, “her appearance on Letterman [in 2004] makes clear, Love...will continue to fall again and again” (Jackson 157) as we all do from time to time. No one is debating that she has her demons, many of which we are collectively responsible for. We forced impossible patriarchal roles upon her which she could not fill. However, she continually has that “comeback moment we can always count on, which proves the star has not imploded, but.. continues to radiate sheer brilliance (Jackson 157). She is what we have created. At times fragile and at other times strong.

It is telling that after the emergence and end of the Riot Grrrl movement and whatever time in the mainstream spotlight Courtney Love had, a safer version of female rock emerged. Alanis Morisette hailed a new era of female rock and with her peers “formed a friendly tie to the media, which allowed [them] to be angry but still well reviewed” (Schlit 10). Courtney Love is not a personality that likes to make anything easy for herself. Due to a variety of reasons, Love “lost legal custody of her daughter” (Petridis) and she has an array of lingering financial problems lingering from her drug haze days, but who among us is perfect?

Love is a dynamic human being and an array of paradox, therefore she is a fully realized human being, flaws and all. We have taken part in fuelling her self-destruction by making her a social pariah for being ambitious and loud. She states that “ I don't like not being liked. I've always been a popular gal. I've got good social skills. Sometimes I'm a little bit weird, ...[but] being a scapegoat was new for me” (Petridis). She wants to be included in the description of femininity and what a woman can be, but she does not want to be quiet, nor should she have to. All she wants is for women to be accepted on their own terms, however imperfect they are. Nothing sounds more feminist than that.

Works Cited

Coyle, Michael and Dolan, Jon. “Modelling Authenticity, Authenticating Commercial Models.” Reading Rock and Roll: Authenticity, Appropriation, Aesthetics.1999. Retrieved from SFU CMNS 321 wiki. July 25, 2011.

Hebdige, Dick. “Introduction: Subculture and Style.” Retrieved from SFU CMNS 321 wiki. July 25, 2011.

Jackson, Chuck. “Star Hole (For Courtney Love).” Camera Obscura. 65.22, no.2: 154-157.

2007. Web. Accessed July 25, 2011.

Love, Courtney. “Courtney Love's 'Strange Brand of Feminism' on Sirius XM.” Radio Clip. YouTube. May 5, 2010. Web. Accessed July 26, 2011.

Murphy, Kylie. “I'm Sorry. I'm Not Really Sorry. Courtney Love and Notions of Authenticity.” Hecate. 27.1: 139 – 164. 2001.Web. Accessed July 25, 2011.

Petridis, Alexis. “Courtney Love: 'Sometimes I'm a little bit weird...but never unpopular.” Gaurdian.co.uk. 25 March. 2010. Web. Accessed July 27, 2011.

Schilt, Kristen. '"A Little Too Ironic": The Appropriation and Packaging

of Riot Grrrl Politics by Mainstream Female Musicians.” Popular Music and Society. 26.1: 5- 16. 2003. Retrieved from SFU CMNS 321 wiki. July 25, 2011.

Drawn Together: A Rhetorical Analysis “For Real Real. Not For Play Play”

2011-12-03T16:27:00.000-08:00

Drawn Together is an animated adult series that satirizes reality television. In doing so, it provides social commentary on North American culture at large. It serves as a satirical form of critical rhetoric in that it points out inequality in power relations in our culture. It is trying to expose unfavorable aspects of the culture and satirize them in order to make viewers think about the topics being portrayed. By examining our culture in this form, new meaning can be formed as we identifying problems with the old meanings.

Television in general, has the ability to “unite audiences in new ways , exposing them over vast distances to the same images, news and events. And entertainment programming” (Borchers 257). Animation takes this one step further by eliminating the laws of physics from the text. Modern audiences have the advantages of being exposed to a greater array of knowledge and symbols and animation has a unique ability to deconstruct those symbols. Animation provides the additional freedom to easily merge texts and provide intertextuality.

Animation allows certain ideas to be put forth that would not be possible with live actors. The characters are more malleable as a social force because they are not real in any physical sense. The characters are not able to be physically harmed and may be hurt or even killed without consequence to either the story or the meaning of the text. The story itself is merely a vehicle for the rhetoric. Separating the story from all laws of physics or even logic free it to purposefully deconstruct culturally produced meaning. It is by the sheer distance animation allows from reality that allows it to comment on reality. We do not hold it to the same laws of reality and can therefore appreciate the situations the characters are put in more than we could living beings or characters played by actors.

Animation “deliberately detaches itself from the system [of conditions] thus imbuing itself with the power to criticize it” (Misits). In turn, the characters do not have to be persuaded to perform necessary functions essential to the show's message. They are scripted and can not suffer, therefore becoming one with the medium. They are tools to deliver its specific message.

Animation is not always viewed as a cultural force, but it usually is attempting to use symbols as a way of furthering a particular ideology, often by positioning itself in opposition to existing ideology. Burke shows us that this is how we construct a view of the world and that the structure of symbols are where we derive our meaning. The interest of this essay is to explore what ideology Drawn Together is attempting to tackle and exploring why it has that ability.

There is an unfair lack of sophistication and an intellectual crudeness associated with animation. This does not prevent it from being a form of critical rhetoric. Animation and cartoons seek to re-frame other rhetorical texts in a manner that discusses culturally constructed beliefs. The sophistication of the medium, no matter how unfairly assessed, is irrelevant because “critics who use critical theory are not necessarily academics” (Borchers, 191). The purpose of Drawn Together is simply to re frame a number of popular animated texts by basing their own characters on preexisting characters from those other rhetorical texts. Composites of Disney princesses and Spongebob parodies are used, for example. By grouping references from all these disparate texts together, they can be juxtaposed and the fallacies of each of the original texts emerges.

The show is a form of intertextuality known as parody. It uses facsimiles and elements of an original text into form “ideas of ridicule, incongruity and exaggeration” (D'Angelo 38 ) that provide a commentary on larger cultural issues. They pinpoint the rhetoric of the original text and deconstruct it for audiences.

As a result of mixing a number of different texts into a singular one, we can look at the original texts from which Drawn Together is derived in new ways. We can examine classic cartoons such as Betty Boop in relation to the modern cartoon characters a classic style cartoon like Toot interacts with on the show. She is considered overweight and as such we can see how cultural ideas about female beauty have changed over time. We can see how change occurs because “[i]ntertexuality can be said to create its own contexts in addition to the immediate rhetorical context” (D'Angelo 43). We then see how those changes have permeated Western society and therefore the entertainment produced within the same society.

An exploration of each character in terms of what rhetoric their archetype is espousing is the purpose of this paper. Toot is a Betty Boop parody that embodies current cultural rhetoric surrounding aging and changing images of beauty. Captain Hero comments on rhetoric surrounding masculinity. Clara is a Disney princess type that displays the racist rhetoric tied up with American culture from the perspective of the majority race. Foxxy Love does the same from a minority perspective and is the centrepiece of the show in terms of a moral compass. Ling Ling is representative of Asian directed racism. Wooldoor Sockbat is a plot device to comment on general rhetoric. Finally, Xandir is a commentary on homophobic rhetoric and a direct attack on a homophobic presence in the video game world. Spanky Ham represents the American white male in its most grotesque and morally questionable form.

There is a direction the show's creators want to lead it's audience in and it does not appear to involve the bigotry it so wildly displays. It is a commentary on the culture in which it is created and “clearly the intent behind the cartoon [is] to convey exactly the opposite of what [is] depicted” (Dadlez 7). According to “Burke, humans are goaded by a spirit of hierarchy: they crave order” (Engels 307). The show is merely questioning that hierarchy and how it came to be. It offers that there are possible changes to be made in the current order of symbols. Far from being a harmless show of little consequence, it perhaps has the potential to initiate a much greater change beyond its on-air life and beyond its immediate viewership.

The characters themselves change and react to situations in ways that are exaggerated versions of actual cultural ideology. The two types of characterization on the show: “those who perpetuate stereotypes, and those who embody and / or resist them” (Misits). The tension between these two elements exposes the fallacies in those beliefs and partially shows why we hold them.

The audience for this program needs to have a level of understanding about (North ) American culture in order to decode the symbols being shown to them. They need to have the necessary cultural capital. Nevertheless, even without understanding the entire concept and every point being made, the concepts are made broad to reach a larger audience. Such is the nature of satire. This medium introduces a unique opportunity to influence in ways that traditional media do not. During any given program, we “are being subtly influenced in many ways... [and] participate in a discussion about the kinds of values and beliefs our culture celebrates” (Borchers 11). Drawn Together happens to focus on a discussion about the values we are least proud of. Cartoons espousing a particular rhetoric that may be in opposition to current culture is nothing new.

The Road Runner, for example, displays a post industrialized fear of technology. Cartoons from he past such as, “'The Road Runner' is, above all, an anti-technological use of technology. Where many technological cartoons celebrate the power of technology... this one clearly abhors it” (Bruce 232). Every time the road runner attempts to use technology to succeed, it results in his demise, at least for the length of the segment. This is not an arbitrary connection being made, although it may seem so. There is a very real connection being made between action and the visual images being seen. A visual rhetoric is created when meaning is created between the two.

While there is not a great amount of literature on Drawn Together, comparisons can be made to other popular satirical programming, such as The Simpsons. Animation serves as social processing or at the very least, a manner in which social process and structure is disseminated to the masses. This essay will explore not only satirical programming, but less blatant forms of dissemination which are just as effective.

Shows such as The Simpsons and Drawn Together, “Like Foucault ... [capture] the suspiciously arbitrary and blurred line drawn between sanity and insanity” (Hull 63). The characters and situations mirror our own and are relatable, albeit exaggerated The question then becomes whether the rhetoric of the show is actually insane or whether social practice is. The show forces us to question our own actions and rhetoric. It “ [introduces] satire into [the] critique...[allowing] for the psychological possibility of distance from, and therefore a sense of control over the confines” (Hull 64) we are culturally subjected to. By highlighting these specific areas, the show has provided an avenue of freedom from that rhetoric. We are shown that there are differing options and interpretations of what our culture provides as truth and are able to relinquish some control. Cartoons unlike traditional rhetoric “offers the subjected...the easily accessible tool of humor and parody in acts of subversion” (Hull 65). This is in contrast to rhetoric and subversive power previously only being available to the educated few.

Each character on Drawn Together represents a cultural stereotype and reinforces it in other ways. It exposes cultural minorities and victims, which is “not inherently problematic. Such rhetorics can raise awareness about abuses both seen and unseen, hence setting the agenda for productive deliberation” (Engels 304). The show and its use of humour may spark outrage and alternatively rally groups being targeted. Depending on how they interpret and give meaning to the humor being used within, dialogues will be formed. With the creation of dialogue, it follows that solutions will eventually be provided.

The effect of stereotype depiction is both comical and offensive to some because it is mirroring what it ultimately is fighting against. Its rhetorical power lies in its ability to both depict and comment on the social problems of the culture in which it is produced. However, the program relies on “Audience members to 'read into' the image in order to determine the message” (Borchers 15). the symbols put forth can not exist in a vacuum. They only become symbols when interpreted. Its main focus is on racism and homophobia, but issues of superficiality and obsessiveness are also tackled. The purpose is to expose truths among the symbols we have created as a society.

The premise and setting of the show, in a reality house full of characters that do not know each other mirrors that of reality television. It gives us these archetypes as a way to represent culture as we see each other and for them to interact in a way that exposes the fallacies in our thinking. Because they are not actually independently minded individuals, they can be manipulated to display obvious and blatant points about cultural assumptions and social hierarchy.

The show uses humor to separate and draw lines between types of viewers. The continued use of humor, which is subjective is intended to “provoke humorless responses and, in doing so, to heighten social boundaries” (Smith 150). It is possible that many people find Drawn Together to be offensive. It attacks what most would consider decent and moral by sending it up in satirical form. Those who do not laugh at the jokes made on the show have not “failed to understand the joke[s]. instead, they [are] indicating their disapproval...laughter can be immoral [and] unlaughter can be ridiculous” (Smith 156). That is to say, depending on audience opinion of the program, their response to the jokes made is indicative of where they stand on the issues presented within the show. The jokes do not exist as jokes alone but in relation to social structure and audience perception of the world. Their reactions are based on the relationship between these two forces.

The program, “seeking the substance of any given situation...deals not with correcting error, which comes later, but with uncovering error” (Todd). Its satirical properties lies in making the connection between these errors and their causes. It presents an area of dialogue “between the ideal that society wants and the actual practices it puts in place” (Todd). There is usually enough of a difference between the two to allow for satire to take place.

Foxxy Love often provides the corrective moral compass that is essential for satire to succeed. She is she catalyst to “present [the] error to an audience in a form that will ultimately lead to correction” (Todd). Her speech is rife with mispronunciations and improper grammar, but she is the moral center and voice of reason in an otherwise insane group of characters. An exploration of specific episodes may further highlight exactly what ideas the show is tackling. The ideas are presented often without solution but highlight societal and cultural problems that create room for future and counteracting rhetoric.

In the season one episode, “Hot Tub,” Clara assumes Foxxy is a slave., because she is African-American. It is revealed that this is due to a systematic problem of cultural racism passed down through generations. Animated characters have a history of subtly displaying racist opinion. Foxxy however, frames the situation as being formed out of ignorance. Foxxy states that “She just an idiot who's been listening to her bigoted papa for way too long” (Jeser and Silverstein, Hot Tub). By provoking the dialogue to be about existing prejudices, it initiates a need for cultural change and discussion about race in America. In the same episode, they solve their dispute by kissing. Neither woman is admittedly a lesbian, but the show is seeking to expose culturally produced inequality. We allow females to take part in homosexual activity, without commuting to the corresponding sexual orientation. It also highlights how we undermine the authority of women and reduce their interactions to consist of either making out or fighting. And nothing in between.

In the season one episode, “Gay Bash,”. Xandir comes out as gay and is generally accepted by the other characters. It exposes a culture that views homosexuality to represent an entire person's being , much like Foxxy is forced to represent all black people. Foxxy tells him that she used to say she was not black but fell into a vat of chocolate pudding. They address the lack of admittedly gay characters by blurring the faces of Elmer Fudd and The Pink Panther at Xandir's coming out party. In addition to parodying gay lifestyle, they shed some light on the truth of the gay experience. Xandir states after coming to terms with his homosexuality, “I wish i was dead.” (Jasper and Silverstein, Gay Bash). He then proceed to attempt to kill himself but can not succeed in this task as he has accumulated too many “lives” being a video game character. Him even being a video game character addresses assumptions about video gaming. It is largely considered to be a masculine activity. Xandir being an effeminate character and a video game character challenges these gender connections that have been socially constructed in gaming. Ling ling is forced to become a sweat shop worker by the white male symbol, Spanky. He is ultimately forced into mass producing shoes after it is revealed that he can sew a television. Protesting Chinese children join together physically to form a fighting monster that battles to save Ling Ling from sweat shop slavery. This plays on North American racist rhetoric that assumes all Asians are indistinguishable across particular nationalities and as individuals.

In the episode, “Dirty Pranking Number 2,” Clara is told “you long for more. That's what princesses do” (Jeser and Silverstein, Dirty Pranking). The imbued meaning is that princesses in animated texts often wish for a way to relate to their male counterparts. This involves Clara dumbing herself down to defecate in a pizza box as a prank on the delivery man. Young girls are taught that they are only relatable through being disgusting or by being sexual. It is implied that this is problematic and needs to be changed.

In the episode, “Foxxy vs. the board of education” the race and class system in America. Some people may have the intelligence to attend college, but it is not even entertained as a possibility due to their income level and current social status. Foxxy has the knowledge, but not institutional credentials to solve mysteries anymore. Spanky Ham also decides he is going to marry Xandir for the health insurance. This comments on the current illegality of same sex marriage in most American states. Opponents of same sex marriage say it will destroy the sanctity of heterosexual marriage. By agreeing to take part in a gay marriage just for health insurance, Spanky is being used to portray what is already happening in heterosexual marriages. It is meant to convey that marriage's sanctity as an institution is already corrupt and that allowing same sex partners to wed will not bring about further corruption. It will follow the same patterns as heterosexual marriage. People are inherently the same in regards to relationships. It is actually a call for equality.

In the episode, “Clum Babies,” Clara represents the views of the religious right regarding sexual expression. Once it is revealed that the product of Wooldoor's masturbation, “clum babies” have healing powers, Clara asks“isn’t masturbation a sickening indefensible sin against God?” (Jeser and Silverstein). A seemingly harmless group of animated vegetables are sent to Wooldoor to make him believe that masturbation is wrong. They are cleverly disguised Christians and display the rhetorical nature of animation. It does not have to obey the rules of the physical and real world. Vegetables, in animated form, can be cleverly disguised tools of rhetoric.

The episode, “Ghostesses in the slot machine” finds the characters of Drawn Together coming to realize that their house is built on Indian burial ground. They give it back to the native people at which point they decide to build a casino.. In this episode Foxxy and Clara fight again. This time it is over a man's affection and they resolve it by engaging in sexual acts and sharing the affection as a result of psuedo lesbianism. The undermining of women's intelligence is a large issue undertaken and critiqued by this television program.

The episode, “Super nanny” deals with loss of culture and Americanized immigrants. This episode satirizes all assumptions about Asians Through parody it exposes the ridiculous nature of such assumptions. It focuses on Ling Ling's quest to obtain a driver's license. During the eye exam, the entire chart is composed of the letter “L”, which Ling Ling pronounces as an English letter “R.” He starts the car and a 50 car accident occurs, involving among the cars, an airplane. Clara is shown a ridiculous interpretation of how Asians see the world through the use of a simulation helmet that stretches her eyes to more resemble an Asian eye. It is of course, a stereotypical and ultimately racist view that many people hold to be true. The roads are chaotic and Clara can now perform complicated math problems. Generalizations about race should be avoided and this episode is a commentary on that.

As a solution to his “Asianness”, Ling Ling's eyes are taped open. He can then speak English and drive properly. The literal opening of his eyes becomes a metaphor for his ability to see how American social norms operate. He expresses a confusion about what to now that he can see that a Hawaiian shirt is not appropriate for formal event. It is a commentary on Americanization and cultural imperialism. The loss of Chinese culture is addressed when Ling Ling receives an award for his new found fame and representation of Chinese Americans. He takes the tape off of his eyes because although he is being honoured it is for an American view of Chinese culture, not an authentic one.

The episode “captain girl”challenges rhetoric that states that all women have to be mothers. Toot adopts a Nicaraguan baby. It responds to assumptions in western culture that a baby will fix a woman's problems and that every woman can be fulfilled by having one. Toots turns out to be a horrible mother and does not change her self destructive ways. We do not have a place within North American culture for older unmarried and childless women with no desire to be anything different.

The episode” lemon aids walk” comments on how many people misunderstand charity and do it as competition. Captain Hero decides he can win the local AIDS walk after realizing he is bad at all other sports. It plays on ideals of masculinity and pseudo altruistic charity work. It explores whether we do charity work because we want to or because we want people to know we are doing it. Captain Hero ends up killing and physically harming all other participants, thereby missing the point of the entire event. No money is raised for the event.

In an effort to comment on the aging process, the episode “Alzheimer that ends well” portrays a negative view of elder treatment. Toot's housemates throw her a surprise birthday party and convince themselves that she is disoriented and has Alzheimers. They drop her off at an old age home. We send our elderly in North America to die in old age homes, where they can be forgotten. We do not take care of them like they need to be taken care of. The old people in the home teach her that the disease was invented by the elderly to regain their freedom.

The episode “spelling applebees” challenges notions of race and intelligence in North America. It is assumed by the other characters that Foxxy does not want to participation a spelling bee because she can't spell. This is not the case. She does not want to spell words in public because she was asked to spell “knickers” in a way that made it sounds like she was being asked to spell a derogatory African American term. It challenges us not to make assumptions about race calls for equality.

These episodes are merely a few examples of how the show tackles larger issues than those that exist within the confines of its immediate narrative structure. There is a rich tapestry of debate that exists within the each episodic storyline that should lead viewers into deeper discussion of the topics covered. Each episode is meant to lead the cultural dialogue in a new direction which in turn will alleviate some of the more destructive aspects of our society. Clear solutions to these problems have not always been offered within the episodes, but the need for solutions has been proposed.

Animation continues to struggle to be taken seriously, perhaps providing its greatest asset as critical rhetoric. It has the freedom to be composed of whatever cultural material necessary. Shows like Drawn Together “subvert...our mythical traditions, [and] scholars have a reason to take them more seriously. They can serve as agents of cultural critique” (Bruce 243). Many of the jokes made in the program may be universally considered immoral, but that is not the purpose of the program. The morality of the content is does not negate its rhetorical properties. Drawn Together may or may not have “a moral shape, [however,] it can still be used to make things apparent or to deliver moral criticism” (Dadlez 7). Animation is continually underestimated as a rhetorical force and ironically, that is where it derives much of its rhetorical power from. Because it is unexpected to have anything of consequence to say, it is able to freely comment on current opinions and cultural events in a manner which is not allowed to other mediums and genres.

Works Cited

Borchers, Timothy. Rhetorical Theory: An Introduction..Waveland Press. 2006.

Bruce, Douglas R. “Notes Toward a Rhetoric of Animation: The Road Runner as Cultural Critique” Critical Studies in Media Communication. 18.2 2001, 229-245. accessed from communications compete.

Dadlez, E.M. “Truly Funny: Humor, Irony and Satire as Moral Criticism” Ethics in Humor. Accessed Nov 16, 2011 from SFU cmns 332 online.

Drawn Together . Creator: Dave Jeser, Matthew Silverstein. Paramount., 2009.DVD.

D'Angelo, Frank J. “The Rhetoric of Intertextuality” Rhetoric Review. 29.1 2009, 31-47. accessed on web. Nov 16, 2011.

Engels, Jeremy. “The Politics of Resentment and the Tyranny of the Minority: Rethinking Victimage for Resentful Times.” Rhetoric Society Quarterly. 40.4 2010, 303-325. accessed on web. Nov 16, 2011.

Hull, Magaret, B. “Postmodern Philosophy Meets Modern Cartoon: Michael Foucoult and Matt Groening.” The Journal of Popular Culture. 34.2 2004, 57-67. accessed Wiley online library.

Misits, Eva. “Just when you thought racism couldn’t get any more racismer': The Treatment of Stereotypes in Drawn Together” E-Journal of American Studies in Hungary. 2.2. 2006. accessed web. Nov. 18, 2011.http://www.americanaejournal.hu/vol2no2/misits/

Smith, Moira. “Humor, Unlaughter and Boundary Maintenance.” Journal of American Folklore. 122.484. 2009, 148-171. accessed Nov 18 from SFU briefcase.

Todd, Jeff. “A Burkean Rhetoric For Satire.” Thalia. 21.1.2 2004, 39-50. accessed Nov 17 literature online.

Glee: A Slushie to the Face of Homosexuality

2011-05-13T18:48:00.000-07:00

The television program Glee provides an overly simplistic version of homosexuality that is based on as well as perpetuates stereotypes about gays. Over the course of a number of similarly themed episodes, I will discuss how Kurt is used as a catalyst for identity acceptance. Where this formula fails is the manner in which he is accepted. Only within the framework of previously existing ideas about homosexuality, masculinity and how the two are linked, is he able to exist. Any deviation from common and incorrect perceptions of homosexual individuals is not present.

The inclusion of gays in television show plot lines has become commonplace because “[w]hen the key demographic is one that prides itself on being politically progressive in general and gay friendly in particular” (Becker 392), it is good for ratings. It is difficult to believe that these kinds of characters have only been written recently. They have been included as a side-show or one episode plot, but only in the last decade or so have gays been given a prominent and starring role in television.

The season one, episode four, titled “Preggers,” begins with Kurt re-enacting singer Beyonce's Single Ladies music video. Although the truth eventually emerges that he is gay, he introduces one of his female friends to his father as his girlfriend. The implication is that it is amusing that a male that would sing a song from a female standpoint could be heterosexual. This scene links masculinity directly to sexuality. According to the the show, heterosexuals are inherently more masculine than homosexuals.

Following this scene, the female in a heteronormative relationship is shown in a panic over her faked pregnancy. In fact, after every gay scene, the show cuts to a pregnancy scene. This is possibly meant to show the supposedly universal desire to be normal and a procreating heterosexual person. If we do not meet this criteria, we are apparently failures.

Kurt attempts to live his lie throughout the rest of the episode in hopes of proving to his dad that he can be normal. He tries out for the football team, which again, is supposed to be humorous. Homosexual stereotypes dictate that gays are not good at athletic achievements, because that would work against the existing framework. We are taught that gays are weak and frail, and can not physically play sports.

Glee does little to dispel any stereotypes about gays and sports. Kurt does make the football team, but not because of his ability or proven strength. He makes the team because he is able to incorporate his homosexuality into the game. He helps the team by convincing the coach to let them do a dance number on the field right before the kick off. The intention is to stun their opponents because football players dancing (again to Single Ladies) is “absurd.” A fellow player comments that “it was fine at practice, but out here it will make us even more of a joke” (Murphy Season 1, Episode 4). The joke is that it only works because it is a joke. The problem is not that Kurt found a way to be good at football, but that the show sets him up as having to be good at football to gain acceptance.

There is no way that a gay man could merely be good at football, and have equate skill as a heterosexual player. The only way he can help the team is by playing to stereotypes and dancing his way through it. The problem that often occurs with gay television characters, “as with nearly all television representations, is that they do embody stereotypes” (Becker 397). Kurt is only able to kick the ball with the aid of Single Ladies and by dancing towards it as if he were Beyonce herself.

At the end of the episode Kurt comes out to his father as gay. His father tells Kurt “I've known since you were three. All you wanted was a pair of sensible heels” (Murphy Season 1, Episode 4). The line is delivered without any comedic inflection because the scene is decidedly serious. Yes, the show is a comedy, but they go out of their way to establish that they are a progressive show that promotes change in the way we think about homosexuals. However, it continues to play to the very stereotypes it claims it denounces.

Season one, episode eighteen, “Laryngitis” focuses on the social labels we impose upon ourselves. It is meant to eliminate the need for them and to show how ridiculous they are. In true Glee fashion, the show does exactly the opposite.

Sue Sylvester is positioned as the villain in this show, but ironically she is often the voice of reason. She tells Kurt “So you like show tunes? It doesn't mean you are gay; it means you're awful” (Murphy Season 1, Episode 18). She says this, yet the show gives reasons like this as clues to his homosexuality. He is the only prominent gay character on the show and he is excessively flamboyantly himself. The only defining characteristic is his homosexuality. He is known as the gay character because he is written in a way that uses his homosexuality as social agenda rather than as a character trait. The show wants us to know that this is what gay teenagers look and sound like. These are their interests and if you see a classmate like this, he is undeniably gay.

This episode continues Kurt's attempts to act like a heterosexual, whatever that means in the Glee world. He starts dressing “straight” by wearing trucker hats and hunting vests. Apparently dressing like this and being gay are mutually exclusive. As the episode progresses, it becomes clear that the point of him dressing like that is to show that the idea of Kurt being straight is ridiculous. While this is true, there should be no correlation between his style of dress and who he is attracted to. It is undeniable that there are effeminate gays, but there are also masculine ones. It is a condescension and a thin path of logic that leads Kurt to use such naive tactics. He knows he can not be straight and fails to even desire to be so until it serves some convoluted plot point in the show.

Since Sue is a villain on the show, her wise observation is thrown out the window. The show thinks that Kurt's most defining feature is his flamboyancy. When he truly realizes the facade he is putting up with the cap and vest, he gets rid of them. He is then shown singing a show tune on a stage with flashing Broadway show lights on behind him that spell out his name. This sort of gay themed storyline doesn't break down any social walls. It just reinforces in the audience head that all gays want to do is sing show tunes and have their name in flashing lights.

Two episodes later, “Theatricality,” the focus is on recording artist Lady Gaga and how “strange” she is. The glee club is set to perform a Lady Gaga song until the heterosexual boys kick up a fuss. A compromise is always made when social norms are threatened. There is always a heterosexual way to camp it up, just as there is a gay way to play football. The show attempts a small consolation that they do not perpetuate gay stereotypes as one character exclaims “My [homosexual] dads can't sew. I really need a mom right now” (MurphySeason 1, Episode 20). It is a feeble attempt though, because although her gay fathers are unable to sew, it is expected that her mother would be able to. The solution provided to the gay Gaga problem is that the boys, with the exception of Kurt, sing a KISS song instead. It isn't as if singing Gaga songs correlates to any sexual orientation, but that is the show's implication.

Another barely plausible subplot comes to a head in this episode wherein Kurt convinces his father to date the mother of the boy he lusts for. By this point, the two families have merged into one household. Kurt has effectively overstepped boundaries and perpetuates the stereotype that gay males can not be friends with straight males because there is too much sexual tension. The lesson the show teaches is that if a homosexual wants to have a close friendship, he wants it to be sexual.

The whole issue results in an argument wherein the straight boy tells Kurt that everything in their now shared room is too “faggy.” This is clearly done out of frustration with Kurt being a stereotypical creepy gay that can't take the hint that there will be no romantic relationship between them. The straight boy's motivation and Kurt's actions leading up to the argument are completely ignored by the writers. Instead, Kurt's father butts in and gives a speech about bigotry that is entirely misplaced. The straight boy is merely reacting the way anyone would to an aggressive and unwanted sexual admirer. Kurt displays sociopathic and calculated behaviour yet inexplicably it is the straight boy who is painted as a villain.

In the second season's sixth episode, “Never Been Kissed,” Glee tackles the issue of bullying. The show shortly followed an increase in media attention on gay teen suicide and was meant to help gay teens through the often tumultuous years of high school torture. It begins by showing Kurt's obvious displeasure at the mere mention of a gay joke. The show will not feature a joke at the expense of a homosexual, yet in the same scene, a joke is made about a character who is in a wheelchair. Again, like all characters that differ from the norm, his disability is his the dominant aspect of his character that the writers focus on. Each character is underdeveloped and most are “cipher[s] used to spout [each] episode's message” (Peitzman), instead of fleshing out the plot. The characters serve the plot and the episode's message rather than the plot serving the needs of the characters and their narrative.

In this episode, Kurt is also displeased he is being forced to sing with the male students. Usually when the genders are separated he is grouped with the girls, which implies that all gay boys are more like girls. Equality and respect are demanded on the one hand and on the other, his gender is supposed to be overlooked and his flamboyancy and effeminate nature take precedence. It is an inconsistent argument that Glee continually makes. It isn’t clear whether they are hoping to promote gay equality or make gays the butt of every joke.

Kurt is bullied often by one of the more aggressive and homophobic football players. He keeps getting pushed into lockers by the bully and gathers the courage to stand up to him. This results in the bully kissing Kurt and then proceeding to deny it in public. Like everything on this show, it just plays out like an easy answer to a complicated topic. For the broad scope this show claims, it is a very narrow ,and again, simplistic reasoning for why gays are targeted by bullies. The show ignores that dynamic characters are important and that “viewers might learn something from bullies drawn with depth” (Alston). If gays are being bullied, this show would have it's audience believe it is because the bully is suppressing his own homosexual desires, “but life is more complex than that” (Alston). While this is sometimes the case, it reinforces gay stereotypes. In this way, the show has now villainized a gay character. Not only is the victim gay, but the show provides the television pantheon with yet another undesirable homosexual: the gay bully.

Glee doesn't actively promote hatred, but it does give bullies ideas about how to torture their victims. It could be that, “if anti-war movies...have been accused of making war seem exciting, then Glee [is] the anti-bullying show that gives bullies ideas” (Weinman). While gay teens are being convinced that their tormentors are in love with them, bullies are being taught to throw slushies at those they bully. The appearance of such behaviour in schools “happens to be a technique popularized, and maybe even invented, by the bad guys on Glee” (Weinman). It is entirely irresponsible to have a running gag incorporated by the show's bullies, but their reasoning is that it is all in the name of entertainment.

Glee also provides an unrealistic version of what options are out there for young gay teens. Kurt, under the facade of glee club spying, travels to an all-boys private school. This school has a no bullying policy quite conveniently and Kurt befriends an attractive gay student. This implies that there is always a sanctuary for gay teens where they will find they are not alone.

In an interview with The New York Times, the show's creator, Ryan Murphy, sidesteps the issue. When asked whether the show creates a false sense of options for gay teens, he responds that “that character is fascinating” (Itzkoff). He goes on to say “There are just people who hate gay people and pick on them because of their prejudice and hatred, and those characters need to be explored as well.” Oddly enough the show is not exploring those other characters. The gay bully is thus far the only bully on the show and therefore the entire basis for bullying on the show is repressed homosexuality and not ignorance, the more common culprit.

In the same episode, a subplot is created involving the character Coach Bieste. While she tells us she isn't gay, “[s]he's been a punch line from the moment she arrived [because] she fulfills every stereotype of the lesbian gym teacher” (Peitzman). She is used as a plot device based on her masculinity (read: ugliness) being used to prevent premature ejaculation. Her masculinity is used as a comedic plot device until it is decided that it probably hurts her feelings. Even after her heterosexuality is revealed, she still reinforces stereotypes about beauty. She claims that she wants to feel like a pretty girl and to be kissed. The first personal thing we learn about most characters on this show is that they want to belong and to feel normal. The show prides itself on championing individuality and the underdog, yet in almost every episode, reinforces that everyone actually just wants to conform to normal social frames.

Within a few in episodes, Kurt runs away from his bullying problem and transfers to the ideal school. Kurt's character started out as the only out gay student in his school and suddenly he is whisked away to a place where his problems disappear. This is not representative of teen homosexuality and bullying problems. It does not help a disenfranchised gay bullied audience as it claims to do.

In the second seasons eighth episode, “Furt,” Kurt's father and the straight boy's mother get married. The show again plays to stereotype and has Kurt plan the wedding. The irony of a homosexual being obsessed with a wedding in The United States of America is never acknowledged. This is further proof that the show intentionally backs away from tackling anything that would actually be controversial and provoke real change. His role in the family is reduced to being a fashion expert. In her vows, his new mother says about Kurt and his father, “One saved me from my wardrobe, the other just saved me” (Murphy Season 2, Episode 8). All Kurt is apparently good for is superficial and material concerns. Any real relationship and personal connection is therefore rendered unnecessary.

Misrepresentation of homosexuality in television is quite serious. The experiences of the homosexual community far surpass what is shown on Glee and on television as a whole. When a broader “range of gay and bisexual men and women from...prime-time television [is excluded]” (Becker 398), it is misleading. The show's audience may not have any other access to representations of homosexuals. They may not personally know any homosexuals and if stereotypical representations are all they see, it can create a frame of expectation and be damaging to the queer community at large. Even though the intention may be to thwart homophobia, the result can be exactly the opposite as stereotypes can serve to rationalize the bigotry. Perhaps all is deemed innocent under the guise of comedy, but the social task of representation is far more important than television executives apparently realize.

Works Cited

Alston, Joshua. “The Bully Pulpit.” Newsweek. 156.18 (2010) Academic Search Premier. Web. 28 March 2011.

Becker, Ron. “Prime-Time Television in The Gay Nineties.” The Television Studies Reader. Ed. Robert Allen and Annette Hill. New York: New York, 2010. 389-403. Print.

Itzkoff, Dave. “Teenage Dreams and Nightmares: Talking 'Never Been Kissed' With Ryan Murphy of Glee.” Nytimes.com. November 10, 2010.

Glee. Dir. Ryan Murphy. Episodes, 1.4, 1.18, 1.20, 2.6, 2.8. 2010 TV Show. Web. 27 March 2011.

Pietzman, Louis. “How Glee's Gay-Bullying Plot Misses The Mark.” Tv.com. Tv.com. Oct. 10, 2010. Web. 29 March 2011.

Weinman, Jamie. “Not Much Glee Over These Slushies.” Maclean's. 124.5 (2011) Academic Search Premier: Web. 28 March 2011.

you want so bad to have meaning but you're empty and draining

2011-05-05T23:52:00.000-07:00

It is no secret that I love music and television. There are no two greater forces that dictate my emotions, actions and life than the creative energy behind the best of each.

A live show can re-energize and feels as exhilirating as I suppose most of my friends find hockey to be. There is no greater reason in the world to go see a show you want to see than because you have been a fan for a while. You have your own personal history with the music. The feeling of knowing all the songs in the set and having seen the band a few times previously provides the necessary sense of familial. Even if you don't belong anywhere else, you can fake it at the show.

Every person there has a little bit of themselves invested in the performance. Each song has a subtext that is unique to each audience member and his/her experience.

Seeing Pete Yorn 10 years after he released his first album serves the dual purpose of making me feel old and making me remember what it felt like the first time i heard those songs. I was almost 20 years old and thought I knew what I wanted. I would later learn that I fell into a life I did not decide to lead. It would take nearly a decade to have even the slightest sense of who I was.

The entire idea that there is a subtext to a song is lost on the Disney generation, as is any grip on pop culture in the larger social context. Glee is a prime example of both problems. The songs exist in a vacuum with no recognition of what formed them. Although it could be used as a tool to educate and inform about the past, it just serves the capitalist agenda. We push towards the future without recognition of the past. We seek to sanitize everything in our path and make it "appropriate" for youth.

Puzzlingly, in addition, Glee tries to recreate the original songs exactly as they originally are rather than taking them further and making them something unique. I don't really know what the purpose of a show that plays it so safe is. There doesn't seem to be any respect for the past nor are they making products for the future. They are content in the disposability of their output. Like most of modern pop culture, it exists for now and now alone.

There is an entire subset, especially in americanized culture that take what they see in their daily life at face value. I don't understand how they operate. To them, the world is without subtext. It is a what-you-see-is-what-you-get world which is not the world that exists. They act as if everything they experience has no hidden meaning. How this constitutes an existence i will never know.

Friends is based on face-value friendships. Fuck that shit.

The 90s phenomenon that was Friends always perplexed me. I watched it occassionally, but I didn't really understand the mass appeal behind the boring lives of a group of self absorbed losers trying to make something of themselves in New York. I didn't care about the characters and the plots revolved around their boring relationship choices. Nothing too exciting was offered for viewers because the loyal viewers were boring. Boring people just want to see idealized versions of their boring selves. It serves the purpose of escapism for those that place all personal worth in having superficial happiness: nice things, expensive coffee and a dumb "solid" relationship.

This doesn't reflect the relationships I form with people. It reflects a consumerist version of friendship. I hate the "Friends".

There are far worse shows, but there are also shows with a much greater payoff, both emotionally and creatively. That being said, the actors on that show showed potential to create interesting characters if the writing werent so stale from the outset (with the exception of Matt LeBlanc, of course...he showed no potential). In varying degrees, I have enjoyed the acting output of the Friends stars before during and after the series' run, none of it happened to involve the actual series though.

Cougar Town is good. Courtney Cox has aged a little and it looks weird, but the show is solid writing even though the name is atrocious. Mr. Sunshine is also good. Studio 60 on the sunset strip neared brilliance. Matthew Perry is the Friends star I thought least likely to succeed.

Almost two decades after Friends began, a new show that follows vaguely the same format has emerged. Happy Endings is like Friends but with better writing, characters and acting. I've only watched one episode, but it is already more self aware and therefore darker and wittier.

I like to think that I'm darker and wittier than most people, but I could just be enamored with a subtext I'm reading into my own life. Maybe I'm just boring.

My job's a joke. I'm broke. My love life's DOA.

Ryan Adams: "You get used to being happy. You get used to it, used to it, used to it."

2011-01-08T01:35:00.000-08:00

He has always been somewhat of a prolific artist, especially since he left his band Whiskeytown to embark on a solo career. The he in question is Ryan Adams and since the year 2000, including this latest double album, he has released 10 full length albums, a demo compilation and an EP. He makes Pete Yorn look lazy and Yorn's output already exceeds most modern recording artists. He writes and releases music because he appears to be compelled to do so.

His aesthetic sensibilities tend to hop around the greater rock pantheon, jumping from alt-country-rock to a classic rock sound to a grittier garage rock sound with ease. Like Beck did with hip hop and country in the 1990s, he is doing in a more general sense with country-rock. Although it is not a new hybrid, by any means, Adams updates it with modern recording technologies. It doesn't hurt that he can write circles around his contemporaries and is an immense talent. His songs never go for the cheap hook and will stand the test of time, simply because they sound timeless.

Like another great songwriter, Tom Petty, he has gathered a group of musicians that serve the same purpose as Petty's Heartbreakers. He has deemed them, "The Cardinals" and they facilitate making what is undeniably a Ryan Adams song into a song played in a band dynamic. There is never a question of what mind the song sprung from. The songs still have the unmistakable artistic stamp of Adams on them, but they exist in a different sphere of evocation than his truly solo work. His career is full of multiple layers and moods. The complexities of his artistic talent become more apparent with each subsequent release.

2000

Starting with Heartbreaker, Adams was attempting to find his voice as a solo artist. Many of the songs sound like they could be on a Whiskeytown album. However, the songs do carry more of an emotional resonance than earlier work. The only problem here is that the album lacking the vocal ferocity that is laid bare in his endearingly cracking vocals of songs recorded later in his career. At some point he realizes that his strength is in being emotive rather than in technical perfections. The flubs and mistakes are what grounds the music in tradition instead of passing trends of the day. This is definitely a promising start to a new career chapter, but does not signify the scope of what came afterward.

2001

Gold brought a new-found attention to Adams' music and thereby inducted him into the mass media critical darling phase of his career (not to be confused with the indie music critical darling phase of his career, which began a few years later. Don't worry... we will get there). His song, "When Stars Go Blue" was later covered by Bono and The Corrs as well as Tim McGraw and God knows who, resulting in public confusion about who the song was composed by. Its Adams' song, for the record. There are a few standout songs, but the album sounds like something the critics would go apeshit for. The sheen and the technical prowess take precedence over emotion and Adams has not yet learned how to balance the two. It is both a step forward and a step backward.

2002

Not surprisingly, Adams recorded a shitload of material after the success of Gold, which he decided at that point in his career, not to release all of. Some of the songs and demos he recorded during this period became a pseudo album called Demolition. The songs are great, at least some of them, although they lack a cohesive theme or energy that would signify the need for a proper album. After the over-thought production of Gold, Demolition is a nice stepping stone on the way to the next album proper. Highlights include "Nuclear," "Starting To Hurt" and "Gimme A Sign" which are some of the best pared down Ryan Adams songs on an official release.

2003

Rock N Roll was a strange and reactionary album that references much of rock history while attempting to put the garage rock revolution of the early '00s in it's place. It is a good album, even if the stylistic change is so drastic and deliberate for someone this early into their career. At the time though, Adams wasn't yet considered to be a rock musician. He was still tied to his country music past, which in the press he claimed to hate. The Rock N Roll album shows a little of the antagonistic side of his personality, which is endearing to many fans. He has the musical chops to back it up. It takes cockiness and talent to call your album Rock N Roll and basically get away with it.

2004

Love Is Hell, originally begrudgingly released as two EPs, is arguably Adams' weakest album. At least with Rock N Roll, there was some power behind the sonic replicating. This album is Adams' at his singer songwriting wimpiest. The muted emotion and eyeliner sad music doesn't really suit his personality, which at the time of release was comprised of a pure confrontation and an explosively reactive nature. Again, due to his dynamic voice and virtually unparalleled skill, it isn't a total loss. The standout, with 100 % certainty though, is a cover of Oasis' "Wonderwall," which is fitting on an album that barely sounds like Adams at all anyway.

2005

This time marked a significant turning point in Ryan Adams' career. He was still talking himself up as the greatest thing since sliced bread, but this is when his musical output really came together to back up his claims. He assembled his backing band, The Cardinals, to flesh out his sound. The songs he was writing were bigger than a solo artist but didn't warrant a traditional band dynamic. The grand vision was still Adams' own, he just needed a band to fully realize it. He is a brilliant songwriter and gets lost in that process sometimes. The beauty of having a band is that they can reel in the out of control songwriting that may occur otherwise in a studio setting. His problem has never been underwriting songs, but quite the opposite. Cold Roses, his first album with The Cardinals captures everything that is great about Ryan Adams' music. It has the feel of a dingy pub in everyday America. It vaguely reminds of Wilco's Yankee Hotel Foxtrot, but outside of the big city. It is the other side of Americana that exists in suburbs and rural areas. These songs are familiar, like people you know and places you have been. They provoke you to order a beer and some fries and just sit back and enjoy life as it was intended to be enjoyed.

The second release of the year, Jacksonville City Nights is possibly Adams' most depressing release. The cover features a woman with her hand on her head behind a sheet of partially smashed glass at a bar. It is an album of pure country songs, some of which are quite good, even if they are downers. This is also the second release with The Cardinals and it benefits from an often hollow sounding production and sparing, yet well placed backing vocals. While Cold Roses told us to, "Dance all Night," this album ruminates on broken hearts and speaks for the downtrodden. The songs aren't as immediately accessible, but open up with time. If Cold Roses was the beer and the wine, this is definitely the hard whiskey.

29, is clearly a solo Ryan Adams release, as it exposes the more self indulgent side of his songwriting. He hasn't released an album without The Cardinals since this one, because they bring a more structured and edited version of his music to the light of day. That is not to say that these songs are not interesting, because they are. While not an album for a casual fan to explore, it does bring forth a welcome erratic nature to the music. The music isn't abrasively erratic; it merely meanders, leading itself rather than the songwriter leading the song. It comes across as endearing and artistically exploratory rather than pretentious. The unbridled and unfocused songs are still worth releasing. They each represent a year from age 21 to 29, so there are only 9 songs total. It is the perfect amount of crazy, self-produced Ryan Adams that the world needs at any one time.

2007

After taking off some time to relax and quit drinking, Adams spent about 6 months in 2006 recording an astronomical amount of material. It was self admittedly some of his best work. Easy Tiger was the first release of this material and it is a summary of his career thus far. It brings together all elements of what makes Ryan Adams, well... Ryan Adams. He (and The Cardinals) are more focused here than they have ever been. At the fault of being too controlled, he has written some of the best songs of his career. It begins with the sprawling alt-country feel of "Goodnight Rose," which is reminiscent of Cold Roses and in the subsequent few songs is seemingly effortlessly settled into singer-songwriter mode. "Halloweenhead" pulls us into more rock oriented territory. "Tears of Gold" feels like a classic country song. Through the course of the album he veers in and out of these songwriting roles. Again, it is an astonishing feat to bring together the (possibly only slightly) disparate styles that he has previously employed into one album seamlessly, but he does it.

In the wake of that album's success, an EP, Follow The Lights, is released. It contains some quietly beautiful songs such as the title track and "My Love For You Is Real." It is nothing amazing but does provide a nice footnote companion piece to Easy Tiger.

2008

Having grown tired of continually proving his talents breadth, Adam's now seemed to be primarily concerned with writing quality albums from start to finish. Oddly and shockingly, Cardinology is not trying to prove a point. It exists for the albums sake and the songs, like Adams of late doesn't make a fuss. It is virtually flawless and only serves to add more songs to his (and again, The Cardinals) canon.

2010

Here now in present day, unexpectedly, a new Ryan Adams album pops up, without much bravado talking up of said album. Adams, now in his mid 30s, seems to be over being a brat in the media and wants to be remembered for his music rather than for his antics. A mere ten years into his career, he already has ten albums released. His latest, III/IV, is his second double album. Recorded during the same massive sessions that yielded Easy Tiger, this is Adams (and The Cardinals) in top form. This is Adams best and most effortless record thus far. It is a rock record that does not shy away from Adams' natural countrified leanings, though it does not seek out any particular sound. It just happens to be rock music, as if that's just what happened, free from any preconceived notion of what it should have become.

Adams is notoriously meticulous about his records' themes and aesthetic purpose, but for the first time, it feels organic instead of a calculated production decision. His pompous and cocky attitude exists within the music, instead of in between songs and in the transparency of what he was always attempting to "accomplish." Instead of trying to aggressively prove to us that he is a great songwriter, he just wrote an album that incidentally, once and for all proves that very point.

The album seems to cover the time period of the bitter end of a relationship and the subsequent stages of letting go. The loose concept allows for more relaxed songs. It begins with "Breakdown Into The Resolve" which is a great opener that shows he isn't just calling this one in. "Dear Candy" builds upon itself and quietly puts to rest most of the rock ballads released this year. "Wasteland" gets slightly grittier without sacrificing any of the beauty put forth thus far. This song and "Ultraviolet Light" exist next to each other and in their dichotomy imagery of a desolate land and a hope existing beyond it. They are a pair that can not easily be separated. Adams has always had beautiful sequencing on his albums, hence his realization for the need of double albums. Both Cold Roses and This album could very well have been single albums but would have lost much of the emotional resonance they posses.

"Stop Playing With My Heart" is a wonderful homage to Stevie Nicks and Tom Petty's "Stop Dragging My Heart Around" and also a great song in it's own right. It is a classic theme, played out again and again. No one likes games. It's companion is a post breakup song in which the old lover has found someone new, "Lovely and Blue." Adam's cockiness shows up briefly by titling the next song, "Happy Birthday." It is a song, ironically about addiction, abuse and emotional absence. "Kisses Start Wars" sound like a drunk phone call begging for forgiveness and letting go. In "The Crystal Skull" he ends up partying with a new girl and getting wasted with an equally lost soul and using her as a mirror into his own situation. "Users" finishes off the first disc and sees the song's protagonist really attempting to be happy and truly letting go of all the negative energy from the relationship. You can almost hear the struggle of it as the song progresses.

"You get used to being happy. You get used to it, used to it, used to it."

The second disc shows a little bit of a breakdown in the newly acquired contentedness. It opens with "No" which contains the lyric, "Something is wrong. Something that was making me feel good is not." The song "Numbers" shows him fucked up all over again, renewing a sense of hopelessness. It contains a beautiful bridge sang by one of The Cardinals in which she reassures that friends are around and that he is indeed loved. "Gracie" speaks to an old lover or friend, possibly dead. Definitely missed. The protagonist is focusing on something other than his current romantic purgatory. "Icebreaker" shows that he is uncomfortable and having trouble relating to people and figuring out what he even wants.

"Sewers At The Bottom Of The Wishing Well" is an admission that he has been hurt and broken. "Typecast" is an exercise in self loathing and blaming fate for falling in love with the wrong ones. "Star Wars" is a request for someone to love him despite his faults and someone who, "refuses to react when I act like I don't care about her." The next song, "My Favorite Song" evokes the feeling of new love and the mere entertaining of such a possibility after heartbreak has occurred.

"P.S." is one last fuck you to the old love. He has changed, but not what she wanted him to change in to. "Death and Rats" is about how terrifying new love can be, especially when you fall into old habits and start freaking out that it is being sabotaged again. Only when you realize that it is something completely different and the behaviour is being motivated by fear can you move past it. The album closes with, "Kill The Lights," which is a fight song. It exists as a pair with the previous song and merely states that he will fight to preserve what he has newly found and nothing and no one will stop him. The love story could be used as a metaphor for Adams' career. Now that he is able to appreciate what he has, he is not willing to let go until he keels over and dies. He is a talent and a force to be reckoned with. What we have seen thus far is only the tip of the iceberg of his talent. There are many more songs and albums to come, many of which may be laying in the vaults, quietly awaiting their release date.

Movies at the picture show: 2010 edition.

2010-12-30T23:48:00.001-08:00

1)Inception

The layers that exist within the context of the movie reflect the structure of the movie itself. It contains well written dialogue as well as superb effects that serve to supplement the story instead of overpower it. The story's scope is expansive but simplistic. It plays with reality and memory in a similar way that The Science of Sleep did. This is the best example of how a big budget film can be used to tell a story that could not otherwise effectively be told. It is the anti Peter Jackson's King Kong. That shit show was a disaster.

2)The Kids Are All Right

There are real life lesbians in existence that aren't as dykey as Annette Benning in this movie. Her and Juliane Moore present a version of gay that isn't gay. The couple is just another couple and the lesbianism and the sperm donor situation is just incidental. It isn't an important political part of the story. For homosexuality to be ignored in a movie is a huge step for homosexual acceptance. Besides all this, the actors act the shit out of every scene. The characters are interesting. This is a portrait of a family I could be a part of. Fucked in the head like every single person in the world.

3)The Social Network

Facebook isn't really all that interesting or dramatic despite how hard some people try to make it. The real story of the creation of Facebook probably is pretty boring as well. A lot of facts were fudged for dramatic effect and it worked well. Mark Zuckerberg as a character is fascinating and annoying. He said everything that real people can never say. Apparently he is supposed to be a horrible person although I fell madly in love with this cantankerous character. The entire performance was cinematic perfection. It was love at first snipe.

4)Kick-Ass

There are times when a movie looks like an utter complete waste of time and it ends up being a masterpiece. I was dragged to this movie by someone and ended up seeing it twice in theatres. Rarely has Nic Cage put in any sort of nuanced performance, let alone a thrillingly fantastic one. The highlight though, is the young girl. Her character is tragic and powerful. The motivation of each character is clearly laid out, but complicated and conflicting, much like real life. It is one of the most emotionally realistic comic book movies ever made and definitely one of the darkest.

5)Black Swan

I tried to figure out why I hated this movie. After failing to come up with any sort of reason, the conclusion I was forced to make was that I loved it. Ballet can not even be described as a mild interest. The purpose of the movie is not the originality of the themes. Like Swan Lake, we have seen this before, but not done this way. To avoid spoiling anything, the mystery is not the main point, but the execution of plot points is. When all is said and done, this is a horror movie, albeit an art house one. Sorry to any pretentious fucks that thought they were above the horror genre.

6)Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World

Michael Cera in a movie about video games that could have been horrible. It was witty. weird. I don't know what to say other than that video games and Michael Cera have become annoying yet both worked well and really came through for me here.

7)The Runaways

Poor little Dakota Fanning is all grown up and doing drugs and rocking n' rolling. She is an adult officially and can still act. Kristen Stewart does a good Joan Jett impression.

8)Piranha 3-D

Underwater naked making out swimming. Tits in 3D. Ridiculous in the best possible way.

9)The Town

Ben Affleck can act when he directs the movie. Especially when it is a crime movie. Especially when it is set in Boston.

10) Youth In Revolt

Michael Cera, yet again, doesn't ruin a movie based on a book beloved by me. He also stretches his acting skills by playing multiple characters. Maybe he won't win an Oscar, but it really was his year.

NOT SO BAD:

Date Night
Burlesque
The Fighter

KINDA BAD:

Alice in Wonderland
Love and Other Drugs
Joan Rivers: Piece of Work

THE WORST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE:

The Last Airbender: EVERYTHING! ACTING! EFFECTS! SCRIPT! WE ARE DONE SHAMYLAN!

Want to see:

Greenberg
Get Him To The Greek
She's Out of My League

UPDATED JAN 7/11: Music of the 2010. the good and some of the bad but none of the Fergie.

2010-12-16T18:16:00.001-08:00

Everything on this list is either 90s or a return to form, back to basics, more organic approach. It could be that as I approach a new decade of life this year, I'm looking to my music to reflect on the past in order to direct a plan for the future. This soundtrack is a metaphor for what life forces me to embark upon. It always is. The function of art in culture is to reflect and direct the culture in which it was created. The same can be applied to one's personal life. This list is me now and foreshadows who I may become.

UPDATE: Late in the year, December to be exact, Ryan Adams released an album which has somehow shot to the top of the heap. I have blogged about his entire career in another post, so I will just provide a link instead of reitterating what I said there. Sorry for any inconvenience this may have caused. The real 1), please stand up.

1) Ryan Adams - III/IV

1) Liz Phair - Funstyle

This album came out of the blue. Liz seemed to disappear after her foray into unadulterated pop music. Those albums weren't as successful as the a few industry people delusionally thought they would be. A pop star in her 40s competing with girls half her age for sex bomb status....where could it go wrong? This album sounds like the result of picking up the pieces after a break from being a pop star whore. It is a big fuck you to the industry and an amalgamation of her entire career. It is reminiscent of her first album without being rehash. Exile in Guyville and this album act as bookends to her career thus far. This is the most honest she has sounded in years and sounding excited about the next chapter. She's the musical version of Oprah. I can't wait.

2-4) Robyn - Bodytalk Part 1, Bodytalk Part 2, Bodytalk

The 2 Bodytalk EPs and the full length album that followed can't realistically be separated. Like Liz Phair's album, they signify an evolution in the industry and in the artist's creative process. Different versions of various songs appear among the three albums and each one serves it's own purpose. The fact that the songs can be manipulated and decorated in a variety of ways is a testament to how well they are written. They are poppy and fun, but with a glorious subtext flowing beneath the sheen. The songs appear throughout the three releases in various forms. Write a good song and dress it up however you like. Pop singers that can actually sing do exist. I'm looking at you Katy Perry, Rihanna, Kesha, etc, etc. etc...........

5) Hole - Nobody's Daughter

After the circus sideshow that is Courtney Love's life subsides, we are left with the music. She is apparently the only remaining original member of this band. She thinks that it is sometime in the late 90s, but it doesn't seem to be a problem. Sure, her life in recent years turning into a complete loss of self and very public drug relapse and subsequent mental breakdown informed the ever present lyrical dramatics. Yes, her voice has turned to a desperate yelp in between the screaming. However, things are more coherent than they have been in over ten years. This is the best album "Hole" could have made at this point. People are surprised Courtney isn't dead.... new music that is actually good is just a sweet, sweet bonus.

6) Ben Folds and Nick Hornby - Lonely Avenue

Both artists have more than proved themselves in their respective fields. In the past few years though, they have each presumably gotten bored with what they were doing. Their output, respectively, felt like they were at a loss as to what they wanted to accomplish next. Personally, I hadn't read a Hornby book in a few years. Folds merely seemed uninspired and basically out of interesting ideas on his last album. I didn't really expect much from this collection, but the author is a huge music fan and Ben's songs read like mini novellas. It shouldn't be a surprise really that this project revived the creative spirit in both men. The highlight is a song based on Levi Johnston and his old Facebook profile called "The Levi Johnston Blues."

7) MGMT - Congratulations

This second album is a more cohesive album than the first and has a narrative that the first lacked. It doesn't rely on the strengths of one song, but on the brilliance and scope of an entire concept. This proves to be both a strength and a weakness. It is a great collection of songs that essentially operate best when heard together. While most bands tend to write singles instead of albums and it is refreshing to see someone do the latter, the industry isn't well equipped to handle it yet...what a shame.

8) Pete Yorn - Pete Yorn

When a record is made in 5 days, sometimes it fails and sounds like a piece of shit. Other times, like with Pete Yorn's Pete Yorn, it sounds spontaneous and free. This is an album that exists without pretension. It isn't trying to prove anything and doesn't. It serves as a stepping stone of good music on the way to a virtual Yorn masterpiece. Still better than most of the schlock released as singer songwriter bullshit. It isn't sappy and it isn't sorry. It's Yorn, not yawn.

9) Motion City Soundtrack - My Dinosaur Life / The Maine - Black and White

Motion City Soundtrack keep making infectious pop punk music that rarely leaves my head. MDL is a return to a grittier and more organic sound that was popular to hearken back to this year. The hooks remain intact, but with a looser feel than before. The skill and the spontaneity are finally matched and every glorious mark is hit. The Maine graduate and don't sound like a bunch of pop punk kiddies playing around anymore. The songs show some actual writing skill instead of merely smart ass lyrics. Being a smart ass is en vogue, but not enough bands have the skills or the actual brain power to back it up. These guys kind of do...

10) Katy Perry - Teenage Dream / Taylor Swift - Speak Now

These two albums are flip sides of the same corporate coin. Katy Perry can't sing very well and is pseudo-risque. Taylor Swift writes wholesome and catchy songs but never grows as an artist. Neither of them really do, but one gets more whorey as she goes along. Perry mistakes slutting it up musically (and physically) according to whatever test studies show will be a hit single for diversifying her sound. Taylor Swift recounts all her loves lost and found and lost again in hopes that every teenage girl will relate and buy her saccharine music. It's sincerity is questionable and gives me a toothache, but I love it. Autotune notwithstanding, Katy Perry's songs are catchy and ridiculous most of the time but that is part of the appeal. Firework is a great song though and I immediately liked it without any ironic connotation.

THE REST:

Patrick Park - Come What Will: Nothing is bad here but it isn't great either. He is slowly trying to expand his sound but never really reaches very far. This is pleasant and enjoyable and tugs at the heartstrings but we have heard most of it before.
Lillix - Tigerlily: Pretty fucking good. Like the 80s threw up on a keyboard and made a shortish little LP. I hear Fleetwood Mac AND Tiffany.
Court Yard Hounds - Court Yard Hounds: Dixie broads can do it without Natalie. This band is still finding their own voice though because right now they are borrowing a little bit from Sheryl Crow.
Christina Aguilera - Bionic: This album when released was viewed as an atrocious mess. However, it has aged well. Once you get past the goofy sex songs and the Gaga rip off tracks, the ballads emerge as heartfelt and sincere (at least on record). There is no Aretha Franklin bellowing...only singing.
My Chemical Romance - Danger Days: Thanks for embracing the toxic sunshine, but I need a little more time with this one.
Pink - Greatest Hits... So Far!!!: Thank you for not putting shit tracks as extra songs. Instead, you put some of your best.
Tokyo Police Club - Champ: Maybe a thanks for participating ribbon.
Rihanna - Loud: Turn it down.
Weezer - Hurley: Stay Lost.
Plain White T's - Wonders of The Younger: Their plainest yet.

green

2010-11-24T23:25:00.001-08:00

rewriting the golden notebook
where it all comes together
writing you off was easier
the yesterday doesnt matter

its only today
there was no other way
wronging the right
putting down the fight

the energy we had has reappeared
the lesson we learned was fear
we left it all here
the grass was never

green

the lion always killed what it could see
the king beheads who he weds
that we can see now
then we couldnt somehow

things were

blue

til you got cut loose
cant you see
this was all about me
and how we didnt work as we

maybe oneday
down the line
on a lonely sunday
you will be fine
but you never were
and you never will be mine

im fine

(may be friends)

im fine

green

and fresh
and clean.

ether

2010-11-16T00:40:00.001-08:00

when angels shake out their drawers
it doesnt rain, it pours
and all the little overlords
look up and off to the side
they cant figure out why they cant decide

well, well.. we need wake up calls
while we are waiting for the when the sky falls

i bounce it up and over the hill
im feeling a little older, but still

i will, we shall believe
in other words in other dreams
the way it works is how it seems
please shut your ugly face
its only gonna win the slowest race
you cant fight the ether
you cant fight me.

It was four a.m. and the light was gray, like it always is in paperbacks

2010-11-14T21:38:00.000-08:00

I always wanted to have the impeccable penmanship of the Filipino girls in my class. Although I only ever saw them write in English, everything still looked slightly Asian. The angles had the same hard angles of the language in Asian comic books I had previously stumbled across. I probably read these features into their writing. Pure Asian envy.

Every word they wrote ended up looking like a wonderfully constructed graffiti tag made by a gang member using multiple spray paint canisters.

Any attempts I have made over the years (and there have been many) to change my handwriting and/or printing style have always been met with complete and utter failure. Just as one can not really drastically alter his own personality, he can't change his handwriting either. I am left with the chicken scratch that I was born with. I suppose I could make it a cleaner looking version of what it already is, but my penmanship is such a disaster that there isn't really much of a point.

I didn't have the discipline or determination to produce a stylistic overhaul of my handwritten life. Sadly, I am not of Asian descent.

Culturally, Asians are bred to be more systematic and determined than everyone else. Massive amounts of schoolwork and the youngsters of Japan have been making love for a few billion years now. Asians and learning go together like urban yuppies and fucked up sushi combinations. Its a match made by God himself.

It's no mistake or coincidence that Asians can play the shit out of a piano or fill out your entire income tax package before reaching the age of 2. They are quite literally born to learn.

This probably doesn't apply to the Canada-born-and-bred HOs that went to my Catholic school. These suburban, middle class spoiled bitches were merely sitting in class and composing every report and writing every test so that everything looked like it was written by an L.A. gang member. They most likely were stacking hope upon hope that it would garner them a boyfriend with baggy jeans, and a Kriss Kross tape in his backpack. They probably used the remaining ink in their pens (after writing their own elegies) to draw fake blue murder tears under their eyes. We all did stupid things.

Maybe I was meant to fly a plane. Someone told me that she had a dream that I had flown her back from Sweden. The plausibility of it all makes me cringe with anticipation. None of us know what the future holds. We are ever burdened by having to conform to the limits of space and time, unless we fly. Unless we break the sound barrier. Unless we cross the space-time continuum.

We all wanted bad ass boyfriends.

I don't even want to get into all the stupid things I've done since my school days to get boys to look at me.

Incidentally, I am pretty good at using chopsticks. Again, pure Asian envy. My Chinese friends make fun of me for getting excited at the mere possibility of using chopsticks.

"Its like getting excited about using a fork."

or from the whitest Asian I know,

"Who wants to eat with a pair of sticks?"

Personally, I would use chopsticks for every meal, regardless of the practicality of it or the ethnicity of the food. It just feels spiritual.

I'm not sure if I could actually fly a plane, but I should probably try. I'm not Asian, but I do love learning. My procrastination, however, has thus far prevented me from accomplishing much of anything. This will change. I do have a few questions first though.
Do the pilots have to use plastic utensils too or can they use chopsticks?

I will use chopsticks. Under the sea, with my head buried in the sand, refusing to use a dinglehopper.

WHY WOULD ANYONE IN THEIR RIGHT MIND DIRECT MY MOTHER TO THIS BLOG?

2010-11-14T18:19:00.000-08:00

THERE IS NOTHING HERE THAT MY MOTHER NEEDS TO READ OR SHOULD READ. FOR STARTERS SHE CALLED THIS MY TWITTER. SHE DOESN'T ENJOY FUN, LET ALONE SWEAR WORDS.

"I READ 'EFF THIS' AND 'EFF THAT.' WHY HAVE YOU 'SHAMEFULLY' MOVED BACK HOME? I DIDN'T READ THAT FAR BUT I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU WOULD PUT THINGS I WROTE IN AN EMAIL TO YOU FROM AUSTRIA ON THERE."

BECAUSE MOM, YOU ARE UNINTENTIONALLY HILARIOUS. I TOLD YOU TO NEVER READ THE THINGS I WRITE, BUT FOR SOME CRUEL REASON, YOU HAVE BEEN DIRECTED TOWARDS MY WRITING.

I WARN YOU NOW MOTHER, NOTHING YOU READ ON HERE WILL PLEASE YOU. AS I SUSPECTED, YOU DO NOT APPRECIATE HUMOR AND THEREFORE TAKE EVERYTHING YOU HAVE READ HERE TO BE 100% SERIOUS. I DON'T KNOW IF YOU HAVE MET ME, BUT I AM 90% SARCASTIC IN REAL LIFE. I'M NOT SURE WHAT WOULD MAKE YOU THINK MY WRITING WOULD BE ANY DIFFERENT

TO THE UNIVERSE: ?????????????

murdered on a gurney

2010-11-09T01:28:00.000-08:00

He was quite a bit younger than me, and as such, far too pre-occupied with what to wear and how his hair looked. Some faggots never grow out of this stage, but for him it was more of a confidence problem than a case of narcissistic vanity.

The day of our date, however, I wasn't too concerned with anything other than staying warm. It wasn't winter, but an uncharacteristically chilly spring day. It looked like nice sunny weather but as my breath virtually froze in the air, the temperature that day can only be described as brisk. I had taken the bus to a gas station and was patiently freezing while I waited for him to finish getting ready.

Nearly two years after shamefully moving back in with my parents, my belongings are in a state of absolute disarray. At the time of this date, things were no different.

At best, I compile an outfit based on what I can find. It sometimes coincidentally matches the weather outside, but not always. The room I occupy is still half of an office. My living quarters amount to a bed in an office. Let's cut the shit and call it what it is. What I had on this day: a scarf that might as well have been made of paper, a thin hoodie instead of a jacket, shoes that sponge water instead of repel it and skinny jeans. Tight jeans do not protect from the wind as much as the fabric tends to act like skin. The wind hits your leg, s directly, and with force.

A lot of my dreams blatantly depict death. A recent one had me dead, likely murdered on a gurney in a morgue. On the gurney beside me was a naked ex-boyfriend, possibly injured, but I couldn't really tell.

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that it is a metaphor for the type of relationship we had. it was a crazy, exciting whirlwind and at the end of it, I was emotionally dead and exhausted. He may have been hurting too, but I had no way of knowing. I could never really read him. No one can.

However, life keeps going. I did survive that relationship... and I did not experience hypothermia waiting for that date. My heart goes on beating. There is nothing inherently wrong with my body or its functioning capabilities.

Regardless of whether I am happy with any current relationship, I leave a little bit of who I am with my past. Change does not occur ONLY as a result of adapting to what is missing. As I leave behind me a trail of "failed" dates, I carry on as a new person, irrecoverably changed by the experience. Often I am the better for it.

If it ever appears that I am dragging my feet, I probably am. I am merely gathering the courage to implement into my life the lessons I have learned. Its not just romance that helps me learn. Lovers, friends AND Oprah all guide me through the process, sometimes in indirect ways. Just because I know what to do, doesn't mean I can actually follow through with it...yet. Knowing and doing are two very separate things.

Sometimes I can't move forward. All it takes though to motivate me is a suggestion; another pair of eyes are all I need. If the past is the past, the future could solve it. All I need is some guidance and a helping hand. thank you.

In loving memory of all my previous lives.

Dedicated to all future friendship, love and personal growth. <3

"dogs are better than wives. never a problem communicating." - Mad Men

2010-10-21T01:31:00.000-07:00

I don't really hate marriage per se, but I don't think it is for me. It really seems like a waste of money and time on everyone's part. Much like wanting a baby, I only want to get married when I'm at a wedding. If I want to be with someone and form a relationship with them, I will be and when I don't, I won't. If it's over then it is over. This seems simple, right? It is.

Married people do the same thing. They work on it just as much as I do, but sometimes it just doesn't work. Look at divorce rates! Marriage doesn't ensure a lasting relationship any more than making a bigger boat ensures it won't sink. We are all bound to encounter an ice berg or two and we never know which one is going to plow into us and make a hole. Enough with the Titanic references, but you get the fucking picture.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm glad that I actually have the option to get married. I do think it is a right, but it is something I don't want to take part in.

Kids are out of the god damned question. Not that there is any real correlation between marriage and children. There isn't the same social stigma around bastard children that there once was, nor should there be. If children are loved, they don't give a flying fuck whether their parents are legally and religiously wed or not. If you treat your children like people instead of mentally incapacitated dolls, they only need to know that their parents care about them. Maybe their parents' significant others care about them too.

IF I get married and this is a big IF, I would probably elope. Who needs all that fanfare really except your family? I am not in a relationship for my family and proving my love to the world is just not in my nature. That isn't how everyone looks at it but that is how I wrap my head around the whole ceremony and reception concept. Call me a cynic because I probably am.

The reason I don't want to get married probably has something to do with not being a woman. The entire wedding industry is designed for women. Weddings are fun and I love attending them. There is NOTHING wrong with getting married. I'm not against marriage, just the idea that is a necessity. It is not for everyone and it does not fix relationship problems. It is just as likely to fail as non marriage based relationships, but the aftermath of a divorce is seen as socially more devastating. If you break up with someone you have been with for a decade it still isn't seen as severe as a 2 year marriage ending in divorce.

Enjoy your relationship in whatever form it takes. The point I am trying to send home is that if you want to get hitched that is your problem. Just don't tell me I have to and don't tell me I can't.

The Moth Don't Care if the Flame is Real

2010-07-28T01:36:00.000-07:00

What happens in Vegas is tons of fun. What happens is that my life always makes attempts to stay interesting. No one that really knows me can say that my stories are ever dull. I may be dull, but my life is a series of mundane excitement. I'm always doing something, even if none of it is ever very productive. Atrociously complicated situations are my specialty. I enjoy paradoxical personalities and conflicted individuals. For some reason, they draw me in like a moth to a flame. The possibility of getting burned is a mere afterthought. The thrill of negotiating the terms of that person's presence outweight the potential consequences that I may suffer down the line.

Over the course of time, as comfort levels increase, the cracks in personalities emerge. All of the things that were overlooked in the beginning can now be recognized as disagreements. This comes from a place that would more accurately be called fascination than antagonism. That is the difference between bickering and fighting. Bickering is a perfect match of comfort and disagreement. Fighting is a breakdown of communication and a loss of perspective. We are guilty of losing the forest for the trees every now and again....some more than others.

There was more unintentionally comedic bickering on my trip to Las Vegas than has been encountered throughout any recorded historical period.

Between complaining about walking in the heat and fighting amongst each other, those two cracked me up...most of the time. That trip was a lot of fun. I dangled 1000 feet above the strip, saw Kathy Griffin, and effed a chair while hypnotized.

My Parents Are In Austria

2010-05-06T14:06:00.003-07:00

My parents have decided to take a vacation to Austria. I am stuck looking after the dogs... I am not a dog person. They have requested that I check the email every day. I find it all amusing so I`m going to update this post every day.

MAY 4, 2010
mom and dad:

hI DEAR

wE HAVE JUST ARRIVED IN OUR HOTEL : VERY NICE BUT WE ARE TOO TIRED TO ENJOY
IT NOW: WE HAVE GONE DOWNTOWN TO BUY A FEW ITEMS FOR BREAKFAST: iT;S RAINING
BUT QUITE HUMID:

Me:

U need to stop yelling at me. Quit w
The capital letters. :)

MAY 5, 2010

Hi jon how äre you ? däd here !!! mom going fräntic over the dogs cäre. If the
weäther is sunny let them out. but give them lots of wäter two bowls worth ät
leäst.Nick häs been ok so fär änd your mom änd I häve worked it out thät if he
wänts to stäy ä däy or two in the äpt thät is ok to keep the peäce. other thän
thät we äre häving ä glörious time you would love it . oh yeh lädy gägä is
pläying in viennä we took ä picture of the poster ouside of the university of
viennä.I just remembered mom säid to look ät the fridge for instuctions äbout
the dogs.hope everything is ok with grändmä änd yöu äs well I often wonder if
your fingers äre broken went you dont säy much. love you kid from äll of
usZitat von Jon M

I'm replying from my phone. The dogs both keeled over so I burned their corpses in the backyard. Sorry I didn't reply sooner. I was out buying kerosene and marshmallows. Hahaaha. I hope u r having fun! Mom is a nut case. So.....I had 12 parties and people graffitied the walls and carved a swastika into your head board. Someone brought their homeless uncle over and he peed on Sophie. I'm using the deep freezer as a bathtub. It seemed like a better use. It doesn't matter anyway because I spent all of yesterday with frozen goods tied to my chest like a bra.

Take care,
Jon

MAY 8, 2010

Jon
We are having trouble findng an internet cafe so this may be the last time we
connect with you until we get to poland on monday. Dad and Nick went to the art
museum today and saw many original Reubens, vandycke, rembrandt....dad was over
the top with excitement. Nick and I went to the haus der musik yesterday and
nick sucessfully conducted the vienna philharmonica orchestra and has a
certifiate to prove it. I was delighted to hear so much classical music right
from the source here in Vienna. this is a pleasant, laid back big city. Most
enjoyable. I hope gram is ok -if you haven,t heard from uncle squeaky I guess
all is well. I will email him today as well.
ttfn
mom and dad

I hate the DVD player... I cant work it.

MAY 9, 2010

Hope u r having fun. I guess the dogs r my mom today!!! I bought them cheesecake.

MAY 11, 2010

Hi dear Jon
We made it here to Krakow after a long train ride thru the Chezch republic. We
met a very nice man who was a prof at the university and was most helpful in
getting us on the right path thru the train station and onto our apartment. We
visitied the salt mine today and it was more than we imagined. A whole city
survies underground with churhes, restaurants, stores etc. Except for the
darkness you forget that you are 140m below the surface. Everything is made of
salt including the chandiliers. Incredable. The miners carved magnificient
carvings and statues all out of salt. I'll never look at salt in the same way
again. Tomorrow we are off to the jewish ghetto and synagogue. All men will
have to wear a hat out of respect. Thursday we will visit Auschwitz and Pope
John Pauls birthplace before heading back to Vienna on Friday. Then off to rent
a car to drive to Salzburg. Lookimng forward to stopping along the way at
medival town and most charming city in Europe. Wish you were here Jon, you
would love it. I know you will be travelling after graduation as it becomes so
addictive so quickly. Thanks again for taking care of the dogs...I do miss them
too. Everyone has a dog of some kind here and they are allowed to take them
right into the cafes with them. Very dog friendly Europe is. I love it.
Love Mom and DadThanks for the Mothers Day greeetings, I think

MAY 16, 2010

jon its dad sending for mom is everything ok we are at the place in salzburg
noe
w until wed afternoon send us a message that the dogs are ok and the house
hasent burnt down just to satify your mom and give me some peace

MAY 18, 2010

jon are you alive we are leaving salzburg tommorow wed the 19 of may could you
drop us a line before we go as to how things are with everyone dogs,gram etc
and maybe remind arron of our return on the 20th at 7

MAY 19, 2010

sorry i didnt reply. i just forgot. so... dogs are welcome in europe? thats cool. do they shit all over the floor in three seperate liquidy piles because thats what your mutts did. i almost barfed all over your whole house. i havent checked the messages because i dont know your pass code. i assume grandma is ok. ill tell aaron when to pick you up... he actually forgot which hour... but not the day. you know what he's like...

so i dont know if you will even get this.. see you soon lol.

2010-05-06T14:06:00.001-07:00

Dysphoria

2010-04-27T01:33:00.000-07:00

go slow if the eager ones want to fly
its never too late to say goodbye
lets go to sleep another way

and flies go after your little pocket pistol it must be fantastic you are retarded elastic snap back

raving and faithfulfilled
we're all so tight knit
this sentiment is bullshit

the greediest of them wants the best and gives nothing more close door after door after parade

parallel to a knife fight
feels almost quite right
passed out in the kitchen

queens are mean and terror dreams like a sandpaper cream doing a "lady kept you in the dark."

would have been fine start
keep it torn right apart
stitch, pick me up for good

harlot

2010-04-27T01:00:00.000-07:00

out in the open -we arent sitting clean
the main thing is maintaining peace
hold me high -im not breathing
watch me lie -im not teething

cantankerous and lazarus
i am like walking dead among you
look at what ive done for you

leave me hanging dry
im left walking by

aggressive in a passive voice
i want to hold you in the dead of night
can you calculate the theme choice
you're not a harlot, but you might

im breathing, but barely
my voice just scarcely reminds
my stare seeks to blind

orange rind

2010-04-22T04:11:00.000-07:00

why can sleep never find my name on a long list of shame

the things that happened never were

the rings i wanted were ever pure

i'll burst and thats not the worst of it
it tastes like cherry, just spit out the pit
by the wayside
and the orange rind in a just dessert
you avoid me avoiding getting hurt
you're sweeter than you are kind
maybe only in my mind

i can handle a little dark
you provide the flint ill bring the spark

fruit drink i wait for the brink

ive driven myself mad waiting for bad

now the good makes me see it another way

this is my genesis; obstrusive and exclusive
there is the more of the ash in a sense of urgency
you've been burned and when is this moment
you wont stop me the way you talk to me

knocks me off my feet where we meet

can we meet in the middle

ohio, (the placebo effect).

2010-04-22T01:26:00.000-07:00

grasp the light at the end of the day
when all the aspirations you ever had take you away
fling, swing right into the bay
baby call me or meet halfway.

the salt on the table spilled the night we met
you picked it up and turned it around ill never forget
that you never threw it over your shoulder
bad luck superstitions dont respect your traditions
of being older than your years, bolder despite fears
willing to let the bad burn colder
and the sad runs out of oxygen
never let the bad times win
love the sinner but hate the sin
it works if you work it so work it youre worth it
i know you dont think so but you have a purpose

your level of discontent is apparent to me
you have been nothing but a friend to me
sad, upside down and full of glee
you put the `oh boy` in ohio
hang in babe, not long to go
keep on pissing off those pretentious people
that think that capitalism is so fucking evil
too good for government or even steeple

(and please forget about that dinosaur canker sore
dont even think of josh frankenwhore
what a waste and what a bore
you should be concerned with much much more than this)

a familiar face in an empty room
who cares if its only you
we are the walls that crack to the ceiling
where would we be without our feelings
and remember its coming spring
soon you`ll forget everything
you`re a fucking butterfly
born to get rich and born to make people sick
with your twisted wit and big fat ____

heart.

baby, i dont know where to end
i barely knew where to start.
chin up and cheer up
and thanks.

-for Michael... bored in the land of nowhere.

kill the muse. save the artist.

2010-04-21T17:17:00.000-07:00

i wanna buy a guitar again and learn it hard again
so that every moment i spend waking
that speaker's shaking
the roof tiles making me weep
i bow down at the feet

im a little too old for playing games
talking out of school
or naming names
i only have myself to blame

i dream big or go home
til im sick of going home alone
and on playback i can hear
whitney houston on crack in my ear
whisper-yell that its all whack
"you need to quell your fear or just disappear"

so imma trip the alarm
no one needs a bodyguard
i have my doubts
i have my fear
i have a tendency to be weird and
this desire to get out of here
and write a book or write my king lear

wow... a little presumptuous
but my hunch is this...
i wanna be tina fey AND norma rae
i wanna write for tv and write a play
if i could create art every day
and get paid

wow... a little pretentious
it feels relentless though
i got a lot to share, you know
and i share unaware
of where it goes and what it shows
about me or
my chemistry.

question

2010-04-21T16:36:00.000-07:00

falling backwards uphill
is it true that a mountain has a windowsill
?
im maimed but im no martyr
i plan to be a partyer
keep partying in the distance
wish away any resistance
?
make me shatter by the door
you make me shiver 'cause im bored
?
see the sunshine shine
warns me one last time
tight blue jeans in the summer
i already got your number
?
wore me down to fearless
there is no questioning of the tearless
?
my youth, won and spent
my face will give and relent
ive always been an old soul
open and ready to unfold
?

wink

2010-04-20T00:45:00.000-07:00

For goodness sake its just heart ache that never bends. it always breaks. you fall in love too fast to make up for your loser past.
it always burns. you cant make it last.

build a machine to say what you mean. You're burning words (and bridges) baby! you burst at the seam. it comes out of your mouth like a fever dream.

are you a truth teller or a tall tale seller? can we tell if we're going to hell 'errrrr---
am I going alone? I get one call (albeit up against the wall) on the phone? we are dropped call prone.

this situation is a set up for humiliation. a transformation.
can you believe I've been waiting here,concocting prophecies that derive from self perpetuating fear? is it cool? is it weird?

we chased this chance to walk on eggshells; sitting on top of oil wells as you flick your last cigarette ever. and what you thought was gonna kill you was "being clever."

lets forget about who is better. for you? for me? you're trying to rewrite history just to win me over and win over me and in my very best ill confess that ill never have this conquest or be impressed again. I go west again to seek the things that speak to my heart and soul. I'm not jaded yet but I'm getting cold and the wind may howl and the sky may blow but we both know that its a little too late for falling in love.

slam that gavel down on that dove.
its just too much and still not enough.

the seas are rough and there are many fish within. they see me and they circle me and then off they swim. i wallow in the shallow end feeling sorry for how i gave up and gave in.

There's another chance. another wave. sweeps me up like i am brave. although i misbehave, I'm a slave to the current and the current one. if fish could bear arms i would have a loaded gun. id shoot myself in the fin, for the win.

I'm a happy man despite the display. i know myself but i give it away. every day my mind plays tricks on me and i think about what i could be. a whistle here and a whistle there. my mind wanders and I'm caught unaware. Things are gonna change. I can feel it. and the wheels are moving. i can feel it. I'm on the brink of everything but the kitchen sink. just pay my dues and mind my drink. i can feel it.

wink.

Look in my eyes. There`s nothing there.. goodbye.

2010-04-17T11:25:00.000-07:00

Religion is not my most favorite thing in the world. There are mixed feelings in my brain towards all organized religion that stem from being an outcast in a hypocritical Catholic school system. What I believe in is irrelevant to the conversation. Why should I be told how to worship? The brand name religions don`t really have any idea what they are doing. It seems like they made most of it up as they went along. Didn`t 5 of the commandments get busted while lazy Moses was coming down the mountain? He couldn`t ask for them to be reprinted I guess. It isn't that I hate religion, just that there are inconsistencies within and the holy books aren't to be taken sooo literally that people get ousted for arbitrary reasons and even killed. Really, we are gonna fight because of a semantics argument about a higher power.. Its fucked up retarded.

To each their own I guess, but no one really has the right to tell me where and how to pray. I don't need to be told who to pray to either. Its not that I have the foggiest idea of what I`m praying to, but neither does anyone else. Spirituality is such a personal thing that it doesn't make sense to organize it. Everyone`s experience is going to be so different from another person.

If you think I`m going to be condemned for cursing and loving off color rock music about orgy sex, then we probably aren't on the same page spiritually anyway. I`m not able to be born-again either because I wasn`t born yesterday. There is nothing wrong with exploring a bit of the dark side of yourself. How can anyone understand whats good about themselves if they don`t understand the bad parts. Those sides of us are going to pop out to say `hello` from time to time. Personally, I would like to know when a bout of the horribles is about to kick in rather than being caught off guard. Like I said though, whatever floats your boat. Pretend everything is peachy keen while that Priest touches your kid. It doesn`t make a difference to me.

Now before you get your twats in a huge knot over this and send my name to the Vatican hit-list, I am in no way saying all Priests (and similar religious figures) molest children. That would be absurd and completely incorrect. My family is actually good friends with a honest and progressive member of the Priesthood. He is outspoken and willing to challenge a lot of the bullshit that the church currently stands for. It is no mere coincidence that they stuck him and his feisty attitude in a really isolated location. They want the least people possible to hear him. How progressive of them. It cant have anything to do with lining their own pockets and keeping them filled. Of course not.

Jesus seems like he would have been a cool guy. I`m not really convinced either way that he was who he said he was but I don`t think it matters. He told people to be nice to each other and to essentially live healthy lives. This is where not taking it literally comes in... look at it in a historical context please. Take scientific advancements into consideration, PLEASE! Just because science proves something does not mean it has to compete with the holy books. Why can`t you guys just believe that God helps write scientific journals and encyclopedias too. It would make things so much easier.

As far as I`m concerned, if I was Jesus, I would be turning that cross upside down just like a middle finger flipping the world off. People have misunderstood the main message of peace and understanding. Those have all but been lost in the name of holy wars, sexism and homophobia. Nice job world.

P.S. There is no real condemnation of homosexuality in the Bible. It`s just a big misunderstanding. Go find the documentary ``For the Bible Tells Me So.` Its all about that kind of shit. Even if it does say that, it also says ALL kinds of CRAZY SHIT. I think it was Bill Maher that pointed out that the bible also says that if a woman fucks anyone before she is married, she should be killed. Lets get on that one..... wait, do blow jobs count ? Jesus Christ!

(the picture used in this post is not a joke. it is displayed proudly in a church)¸¸
..................

Not related, but i HAVE TO SHARE:

Things i am currently obsessed with: MGMT's album Congratulations, Dakota Fanning in The Runaways, the movie Kick-Ass, Alexander McQueen,
Taylor Swift's album Fearless, Florence and the Machine`s album, Lungs,

purpose: no regret

2010-04-17T11:01:00.000-07:00

live my life
wanna do it twice
who knows if ive been naughty or nice
you are my worst shame
you are my worst vice

love you right
wanna do it real
i just keep on keepin on
a professional or
nothing

harpies go far
not at all
im gonna take all the help i can get
im a truth teller
purpose: no regret

the weird prevails
who doesnt get you?
you make sense to the senseless
no sour grapes
crazys relentless

feel ya hurt
from other words
i wear my emotions on my sleeve
like a letter
or a pet peeve

its true
dont want hurt
wanting love is a slippery slope
youre a fire
heart cant cope

im here for ages
turning the pages
in a furious light im looking
at you and
your antics

youre so caught up in the hunt
you dont know what a catch you are
youre on fire in the water
warring with desire, but why bother

making love with a mirror
and practicing whispers in your own ear
waste the very admiration and fear
that lovers hold so dear.

take me up to outer space and let me live til i die ;)

2010-04-13T00:56:00.000-07:00

Lately, I have had extreme insomnia and have been really emotional. I could just be having sympathy PMS, or perhaps I'm stressed out. I think it may be the latter. What I want in life is not exactly clear right now, but it is starting to make sense.

Most of my writing involves reconciling the other with the rest of society. Never have I pretended to understand normal segments of society. Quite often I make a point of my differences. My current discontent is probably related to the transitionary state life I happen to be living in. I am ready for the next step.. whatever that may mean. I am ready for a huge change in the near future that is going to contribute to sustained happiness for many years to come. Anything short of me becoming a parent is possible. Kids are not on the plate for the time being, unless they are cooked and I am eating them. I fucking hate bratty kids, so that is entirely possible. For those of you wondering, yes, I have become the witch in Hansel and Gretel. You are welcome.

I am entering a new and wonderful phase of living. It can be warmly referred to as giving less of a shit about what people think of me than I did before, which wasnt a whole lot. Why should it really matter. It makes me want to watch the movie, Man on the Moon again and just be Andy Kaufman not giving a shit. He flew the freak flag higher than most and I hope to one day live up to his standards.

"The last time Lady Gaga and I were talking, she said that she felt like a
freak. And I said, 'Get used to it- you'll always be that way 'cause of the way
you think. It's not just what you wear."
- Cyndi Lauper

The connectivity of life is readily apparent to me. It drives most, if not all, of my creativity. How can people exist that do not want to put the world together systematically so that it makes sense. I do not understand complacency and an unwillingness to examine the workings of both society and human nature. Understanding and questioning is a natural part of being alive. It helps us become better people. I often wonder to what end though. We are all on our way out, so what is the point of understanding it. We should probably JUST enjoy it; its just that I cant. Pleasure only comes from a little stress and pain. It makes all kinds of cheesy sense to me. There is a cause and effect nature to everything that happens and it all kind of freaks me out while its comforting me. I am terrified that I will do the wrong thing. What keeps me sane is the thought that there a million chances hopefully for things to go right.

My brain runs a million miles a minute and each new thought brings about a million connected thoughts. There are no reasons for me forgetting to do things. I had to cut my nails tonight because they were starting to to look to glamorous for my hands. A friend was telling me about a friend of his that tried to argue that aesthetics were something that one could be objective about. Someone being attractive is hardly an irrefutable fact. Hotness is the most subjective thing in the world.

"If I had anyone to blame for making women [feel they must] look a certain
way, I would blame American commercial magazines. I have been shot for them-
their demands for what the cover has to be are completely disgusting and
demeaning to women. I'm very vocal about it." -Lady Gaga in Nylon ( An
American
commercial magazine).

Unless I'm going to sleep with it, I'm not really concerned with something being the hottest thing I can find. I find more a more interesting appeal in the fucked up. It all points back to my search for an "other" that is different from the norm. Why would I want to see something that occurs naturally and is represented in mundane reality when I can see genuine absurdity. No one would. No one worth paying attention to is completely sane. I think I can find a balance between functioning and feeling like my head is a bubble about to pop. Honestly though, I would rather be institutionalized than be boring. Whatever fuels the fire is something I don't want to give up. I think I'm going to write a sitcom based on real events called, ``don't be a Josh Frank!`` Although it started out as a joke, I think There is potential here to create something that wasn't otherwise in existence. Let me take you away before I get taken away.

"I have been an artist as long as I can remember. I have always been
interested in manipulating reality and creating new worlds." - Floria
Sigismondi

frustrated, humiliated

2010-04-10T04:49:00.000-07:00

the glare proves a point
that there's no point
in coming through for you

so i stare into air
you seem unaware
am i getting through to you

pen and paper
i got the vapors
you don't respond to this

move closer
little lower
a kiss is just a kiss

theres a whisper
feel a fire
breathing underwater

....you make a puddle seem an ocean
....indecisive devotion
....malleable surface
....is not worthless
.........

in coming through for you
i proved the point
was not true

i am getting through to you
look into the air
you see fair is fair

you respond to me
you respond to this
you respond to me

a kiss is more than it is
i want
more than this

breathing underground
i make a whisper
so you wont hear sound

Please stick around and I'll build you a world

2010-04-10T02:26:00.001-07:00

The thing about redemption is that it doesn't erase everything that came before it. It merely shows that something has been learned from a bad situation and applied to make life better.

Mention Courtney Love and people start cracking jokes about what she has become. Personally, I will always have a soft spot in my heart for her. She represents something that is hiding in all of us. There is a search for acceptance that runs through her career. She always plays the part of the outsider, even when she manages to creep into the 'in' crowd.

She is a mess of an ego maniacal personality, yet still a woman wanting to connect and be accessible to her audience. If you examine her life, she probably wants to connect to anyone she can. She has been using the Internet to do so since the mid 90s. I remember ten years ago, I was regularly posting on her message board and she would reply to messages and post rants about all kinds of things. She talked about certain books, movies or other artists she loved. She talked about ridiculous celebrity encounters. She wanted to create a more personal relationship with her fans. It was quite common and almost an industry standard now to have the artist have a more intimate relationship with fans. She was trying to do what twitter and Myspace have done to connect fans and artists. Free songs and rarities and exclusive videos were often available for free on the site. She always seems to be ahead of the curve in that sense, even if she doesn't always follow through..

Courtney talks a lot of shit, but her intelligence is unquestionable in my mind. It gets clouded by the fact that she is crazier than anyone on the fucking planet, but if you can get a solid stream of thought, she knows what she is talking about. I find that the smartest people are also the craziest.

Every time that she falls down, falls off the wagon, there is a tougher climb to get back up. It is heartbreaking to watch, but like every troubled friend I have, I am rooting for her. Like every addict, she is either going to get a handle on it, or it will bring about her demise. No one is perfect and she is an extreme exemplification of this fact. Her entire existence reminds me of my own humanity. Her outcast status and offensive nature makes my own inappropriateness pale in comparison.

She makes me feel like a normal person. I have never felt like I really fit in anywhere. That isn't to say I don't get along with people. I actually get along with most people, but I am an enigma even to myself. Perhaps this is why I remain so empathetic towards virtually everyone. The quest of my life is one of understanding. Making sense of the nonsensical is something I consider a valid use of my time. I want to understand you, just give me time. Just because it isn't immediately clear to me what the point of something is doesn't mean that it is pointless. It just means I haven't found it yet.

I am not debating that Courtney may be an unfit mother. I am not debating that she may ultimately be a selfish person. I have never met her and therefore it is not my place. I do appreciate that there is no filter between her brain and mouth sometimes. She is a constant source of information because she is a sponge for information. She is in a constant struggle for a sense of balance. The woman is a living metaphor for the confusion of life. She is what would happen if we gave into every whim and vice that occurred to us and still survived to tell the tale.

As far as we have come in North America, we are still uncomfortable with women that aren't subservient. We operate within a social structure that doesn't value bitches. In the words of the wise Tina Fey though, "Bitches get things done." Tina was referring to Hilary Clinton....not Courtney Love, but really, what is the difference? The former works for the people and the latter is the voice of the people. They are the alternative to every dumb bimbo with nothing to say. They are the alternative to cute and harmless.

http://www.holerock.net/

friend, good friend.

2010-04-09T12:05:00.000-07:00

a shy laugh is your attack
no one knows how i got your back
my secret is delirious
never sleep anymore, im serious
i was reckless; now im restless
to live and get it all back
want a little learning
a lot of journey; a lot of road
sweet dreams are a heavy load
i dont carry; i dont own
i cant see a sound
your message is too loud

finally a focus
and hocus pocus
the arrival is stunted
i give you complicated
im not intimidated

this swallowing swords
seems like im bored
swear to me its true
and ill not bother you

your words are in front
i see 'love' too blunt
i see you are too blind
what do you hope to find

well, i can move mountains
shout from the top of them
just to shake you down
find out what you're about
feeling i got the answer
baby, im a cancer
take a chance here

life is a laugh track without the step back
its funny that im leanin on freedom
when i would rather be leanin on you
its a head shake; its an earthquake
maybes arent really worth a whole lot
everyone loves you; why should they not
'''''''''''''

LESBIANS.

2010-04-03T17:08:00.001-07:00

Lesbians don't make any sense. I'm not sure why they are hard wired for domestication. It could be their intrinsic need for dramatics and synchronized cycles. The gay male population has a bad reputation for drama, but tell a lesbian that someone was looking at her girl and see what happens. It is like watching animals in the wild. She will scan the room, if not the surrounding area (within a mile) for possible suspects. It depends on what type of lezzie she is though. There are certain ones to be more scared of. Think of it like brown bears compared to Grizzlies. Is she a burly cavewoman or is she a lanky gazelle. The gazelle's usually just move on to the next hot bitch if you shoot them an evil eye. The Encino women will start with the "who was looking at who?" game and we don't need any of that shit. They will attack with words and hope that their overbearing physical presence will scare you into backing down. Prepare to hear a lot along these lines: "I bench press a car with 5 people and a dog in it every day! I can take you down! My moustache is tougher than your entire body!"....you know... factual information.

What compels lesbians to be so crazy is not very well known. I suppose that it makes sense though, given that women in general tend to be more fucking nuts than men. I am not talking about levels of frustration but incidences of insanity. In my estimation these occur more with females than their dickafied counterparts. It is no wonder that I prefer the company of women to that of men. I love me some crazy broads. I relate more to women, specifically crazy ones, than I do to men. It probably speaks of my own insanity, but I see calling someone crazy to be a compliment. However, I refuse to compliment any lesbian. They don't like them anyway. They prefer to feed off the negative energy that insults supply. So being crazy is a compliment....except for when it comes to lesbians. It is kind of a backhanded compliment though, so I guess it's OK. Every time you backhand a lesbian though, you are going to be pummelled into the ground. Just a warning. Lesbians in their natural habitat (the gun range, construction sites, etc.) are frightening as hell. No one understands those auto mechanics; those dog park visiting; those whale watching psychos. Leave them be and let them find each other. They LOVE relationships.

It has been well documented that lesbians are single for exactly one hour before mating again. After meeting a girl, a decision is made at approximately the 52 minute mark to move in together. After about 5 days, "lesbian bed death" sets in and the sex life is dead. This is the commencement of their codependency and sexless union. They will be in each other's lives forever from this point. I guess that their sex lives get buried along with the ability to smile. And, thank GOD. The rare occurrence of a dykey smile is the equivalent of a modern day Medusa. It will turn you to stone. Fortunately, it is like Big Foot.... few have seen it.

The only thing worse than a lesbian relationship is a lesbian break-up. I have included some evidence straight from the vagina to back my argument up. It is straight from the Fucking Crazy Dykes and right to you. The break-ups take forever, and they can never stop talking. Usually one person goes totally ballistic and once she calms down, the other starts up. It is endless, but since the relationships tend to be so dramatic, most of the time I never notice the difference. Everything I don't understand I just assume is due to some lesbian undertones of pure hate that I can not sense. It is very much like frequencies that only dogs and other animals can hear.

I asked a lezzie friend why lesbian stereotypes are so funny
Her reply: because they are all true.
Then I made nice with her so that she did not attack. You have to cover your tracks.

I talked to another lesbian "friend" of mine and she told me she was offended by the term 'lesbian.' Of course she was offended! Being offended is a lesbian pastime. They wake up offended and dream of being in shock and horror over something said twelve years ago. Not a day goes by that a lesbian is not offended by something. On the other hand, if you want to be offended walk into the clothing store, STATE OF MIND on Davie Street in Vancouver. You will encounter the culmination of years of lesbian cuntiness. They are compounded into one person as evil as she is poorly dressed. She looks like the singer Elliott Smith, a fact which in all likelihood contributed to his suicide. Ask that dumb excuse for a vagina to look around at some clothes. She will go balls out (or vag out) crazy on you. No lie. I have been threatened by this woman.

But yes, being offended is basically what makes dykes tick. If they weren't offended, birds wouldn't fly. Trees would not produce oxygen.

I asked what my womynly lesbian pal would prefer to be called and offered a few options.

My suggestions included:

"Heavy-duty auto mechanic"

"Queen of Nice" or "a total Rosie"....both in reference to O'Donnell. Usage for these phrases are as follows...

"Look at that girl! She is a total Rosie!!!!!!
Oh, I know. Such a Queen of Nice and she doesn't even know it."

I love lesbians. I hate lesbians. You can`t live with them, but you can`t fix your car without them.

Note: This was written with my arms crossed in front of me, listening to Tegan and Sara and watching Ellen Degeneres stand-up. Lindsay Lohan showed up though and every lesbian left. No one wants to deal with her brand of insight (bags of coke, a bottle of self tanner and a copy of Anne Heche`s autobiography.)

Thunder only happens when its raining

2010-03-31T13:29:00.000-07:00

The dream I had last night is so vividly fucked up, that I have to share the details.....besides there were a lot of cameos. I have decided that sleep deprivation and the stress of school work is what made this all possible.

It started out with a normal day at work which means it was essentially.... boring as hell. I was off early enough that I would be able to have a few drinks with my friend Steffen after work. I would just take the sky train over across the water (not to the slums of Surrey for some reason) to where one dark bar was still open. It was the perfect plan for a night out. By the time I got to the bar, six or so hours had passed and the bar was empty. It was still open, but empty. I called Steffen and there was no answer. I tried texting as well, to no avail.

A phone started ringing in my pocket. I picked it up and it was my ex, Aaron2, telling me that it was his phone I was talking on and that a bunch of my friends were at his house for a party. None of these people know each other well enough to hang out and I had been ditched. I was not amused. I asked if Steffen was there, which he was, but instead of putting him on the phone I was forced to talk to a guy named Ian that I have met and talked to previously for a total of 30 minutes. I was completley rude to him on the phone, in my dream and he sounded hurt and confused as a result. I didn't care. I was mad as all hell.

I made my way to this supposedly fantastic party. I ran into my friend from high school, Gillian, but instead of exchanging words, we merely exchanged glances over the shoulder and put similarly strange looks upon our faces during passing.

A few escalator rides later, I was in an office that had set up shop in one of the sky train stations. I suppose that it was a publishing house of some sort and everyone within was rushing about, papers in hand. Another friend from high school, Masha, recognized me and stopped to talk to me. I have no idea what the conversation was about. All I remember is that she was wearing a t-shirt emblazoned with a picture of the Irish band, "The Cranberries." I made a point of telling her I had been seeing them everywhere around town and she remarked that she loved them.

I walked out of the subway and onto the street. I found a nice clothing store and bought a few clothing items that turned out to be records when I left the store. I knew that I wanted clothes, so I thought that if I could find a store that sold music, I would actually leave with clothes. Some dumb bitch said that the closest music store was blocks away. I knew that there was a closer one, but didn't have time to go searching.

The tourist traps in my dream were far more sadistic and dangerous than they needed to be. The one that stood out the most involved children holding on to ropes and being pulleyed above cement and concrete art installations. Every child that tried it looked terrified, but the parents were always in hysterics.....as in laughter, not fear. I didn't understand...

I continued on to Aaron2's place. However, during the time it took me to get there, the party had ended. The only people I remember still being there were Aaron2; my other ex, Aaron1, my parents and a random cat that belonged to no one. Aaron2 was hungover and still asleep when I got there, but everyone else seemed fine and were eating cereal. I was PISSED off.

I did not want a bowl of cereal. I wanted to punch someone. I had spent the night travelling around some city I did not recognize. At the peak of my ferociousness, Steffen walked in the door. I got up and put my coat on and told him what a horrible friend he was to abandon me across the water. It was a multi-layered dramatic episode in which the finale was me storming out the door. I think I left everyone confused and emotionally ruined. This is nothing that hasn't happened in real life at some point.

The last thing I remember is Steffen sitting with my parents looking very apologetic and my mother saying something like, "Don't worry... he will get over it. I think he is over reacting."

I have forgiven.

update: I just remembered the part where I was in the backseat of a car speeding down the highway and a giant elephant was at our heels trying to crash the car with it's trunk. It was terrifying but at least I took pictures with my iPhone.

Note To Self: Don't Change For Anyone.

2010-02-17T23:23:00.000-08:00

It's really strange to meet someone for about 5 minutes and already know that you will be friends. It's actually quite fucked up and fairly presumptuous to figure that you could know as much within the first five minutes. Usually I don't, but lately I've been getting that impression from one person in particular.

My bullshit radar is even more fine tuned than usual and I think I'm able to judge character pretty well. Now that I have said so, It's probably going to come back and bite me in the ass. I've been good with the social skills for quite some time now, but I do seem to be that guy that everyone likes, but no one thinks to call when making plans. I assume its because I broadcast my retardedness far and wide via every technological innovation that you can possibly think of. I'm a living news feed, but my life isn't too exciting. I just really want to hang out most of the time. I'm game for pretty much anything too. You wanna party? done. You can't find a concert buddy? I'll probably join. You wanna hitchhike to Mexico in the next 5 minutes? Count me in.

Regardless of whether I get invites or e-vites or bug bites, I still manage to get out there and do stuff. It isn't a question of ability to socialize, it is just a call to maximize my audience. I blame my father for the "hello" gene. I will find myself having a conversation with someone on the bus or in a store that is too in depth probably, but fascinates me. Hopefully I'm not like a crazy bag lady and rambling on while they look for a way out. I actually think that I have some pretty solid material if you catch me on a good day. Now I sound lonely and crazy and I haven't been diagnosed as either one.

Anyway, this isn't a sob story. I'm fairly content with my current social standing, I'm just pointing out some crap so people start burning up my phone..... That being said, I was dumped not that long ago (boo hoo...barf!), and I've managed to maintain some sort of a friendship with him. I have a habit of being friends with exes. So be forewarned that the more times we see each other's genitals, the more likely we are to form a friendship in the aftermath. Even the BOZO (just kidding ;)) that I was with for almost 8 years has started talking to me again. I don't have any concrete explanation for this apart from the fact that if I date you, there is obviously something I like about you. Just because something silly like a romance ultimately fails doesn't mean it can't turn wonderfully platonic. It just becomes a bromance.

Well, since you didn't ask, the expedited route into my pants is sarcastic wit. I would rather someone crack a joke, preferably at their own expense than have them show me their perfect abs and douche bag personality. I want to tell those show off types that obviously they have spent far too much time working out and not enough time around actual living, thinking, social people. "Yeah," I want to say. "You are hot and boring... and I'm not interested....Unless you are an Olympic athlete. Only then can you talk to me like I'm a dirty piece of gum being scraped from the sidewalk. Actually, in that case it is my only request." Johnny Weir(d), I am talking to you. You are the gayest rainbow to ever grace figure skating. I love you.

Come to think of it, the Olympics have been amazing for making friends. Everyone is in a good mood and although I have no use for sports in general, I do have a use for the attractive athletes, not to mention COPS, roaming around the city. I didn't fully support the Olympics coming to Vancouver, but now that they are here and I will be paying for it anyway, I might as well enjoy it. Insanity is my currency and there is a plentiful amount of it on these west coast streets right now. For the most part, it is a friendly passive and innocent energy and something to behold. People are getting along, in this day and age... in postmodern jaded times. I will sell my fucking soul to Coca-Cola to feel like this again. I think that is what they are counting on.

anyways!!!!!!

Not that I've gone compliment fishing at all lately, but I've still caught a few big ones. They mean a lot to me and I'm going to share them for the sake of my ego and so I have a small archive of them for when I'm feeling sorry for myself:

"You are the most genuine and loyal guy I know. You are a gay guy that isn't fucked up psychologically and isn't fucked up on drugs...most are. Those are things that make a fantastic friend as well as a boyfriend. "

(To someone I had just met and now consider a BFF lol) "Once you get this one talking, he isn't quite like anyone I've ever met."

"You have been such a good friend. This past year I've dealt with some real crap from a few friends, but you have always been a true friend."

Now, no one has to believe that these are real quotes, but fuck them. I will take compliments where I can get them and I will run them into the ground. I could very well be using these for the next ten years when people ask me what kind of person I am.

As far as friends and the Olympics go, I got into a really posh party and basically ate like a lesbian lumberjack. No, that isn't quite true... I did actually taste and chew the food. The food was delicious and the drinks were free. I had two helpings of fancy food plus the snobby appetizers they brought around on silver spoons. I had three servings of creme brulee and two custard dishes. I never get excited about food, but this was the shit. Ultimately, it reminded me that I need to get rich, so that I can live my life like that party. I got in c/o my true and longest running BFF. She has been there for me through whatever shit I have needed her to be there for. She told me to be gay before I told her that I actually was. She has always just wanted me to be myself and now I can`t think of anyone else I would rather be. I am totally comfortable in my own skin and this bitch has a lot to do with it.

I got drunk enough for both of us. God Bless Olympic Sponsored Alcohol Abuse!

P.S. Michael, I will try to include a lesbian joke in every post from now on. lol

Come Along an Go along with me. wander with me yo. RANDOM

2010-01-04T23:27:00.000-08:00

Favorite Red Hot Chili Peppers album: By The Way
I just find it very elegant in a unassuming way. I dont think they really knew what to do after the juggernaut success of Californication. The earlier album was sunny and chaotic during the day. BTW seems like it's nighttime companion. Its a lush way to enjoy a breezy California summer night....no matter where you are.

Books that should be movies:

Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides. Let''s make a real movie about hermaphrodites that while not medically sound, is beautifully written. How do we go about making that politically correct? Does it need to be? Maybe too dense and rich for a movie... miniseries?

The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay by Michael Chabon. All of his other books have been made into movies, so I'm sure its only a matter of time. The dawn of comic books against the backdrop of Jewish New York during WW2 era. Perfect.... and there are some beautifully written homo moments.

I Know This Much Is True by Wally Lamb. Get on it Oprah! This is about twins and one of them Shizo... and a bunch of daddy or grandpa issues... cant remember which. I dont want the Olsen twins going anywhere near this though... I want full approval of cast and director. I'll start work on a script yesterday.

A Heartbreaking Work Of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers. It is exactly what the title advertises. It is part fiction and part memoir about how the author became a parent to his younger brother when both his mother and father died of cancer within months of each other. It is hilarious at times and well, fucking heartbreaking. Done right, it could be Oscar material. Meryl needs to be the mother.... done.

Hair Colors I have NOT legitimately tried: Anything punky....besides blood red. I love that one... all the rest make me feeel wrong. That being said, I will probably get to blue before I die. I could very well wait UNTIL I die and be buried as a blue-head.

Amount of money in my recently stolen wallet: A single American dollar. Goodbye my little green friend. :(

mark my words i might be something someday

2010-01-03T22:13:00.000-08:00

There must be a reason why I have so many mismatched socks. I just finished organizing my life, or at least my laundry and I have so many socks that don't have a match. I feel the need to find a metaphor here, so here goes. I have left so many things for so long that they all appear to be loose ends. What they really are is works in progress. This new year should be my opportunity to tie all those up. I really do plan on making the most of this year in terms of personal development and accomplishment. The only barometer of success are my own standards.

I have started a ``vision board` of all my future hopes and dreams. It includes things I would like to focus on. The items on it are fluid in nature. I can not say that what I wish for today will be what I wish for tomorrow. My vision board is like friendship. Friends come and go and if they are able to grow in ways that you need they return again. They all serve some sort of purpose in your life and sometimes its only for a short time. The length of a friendship does not always determine its worth. It is the same with hopes and dreams. Just because they change does not mean they were not worth pursuing. This signifies my decent into Oprah territory. It may be possible that I am to fill the void she will leave behind.

Working on my fitness has also become more of a priority for me. I will admit that the main reason I want to be fit is my own pathetic vanity. After years of chasing the idea of it, I have become infatuated with Yoga practice. The benefits are visible and I feel better when I do it. I am currently looking for a way to incorporate it more regularly into my life.

I got a yoga centre pass for Christmas and spent December 31st taking a pilates class, a spinning class and a hot yoga class. I ruined it later that night. New Year`s Eve night was self sabotage, but is now in the past. I cant change it, but at least I have the evil nicotine monster beat. As fucked up as I was, I did not smoke a single puff. The thought never even occurred to me. What a fucking night though... NEVER AGAIN will I party that hard. It was stupid and not conducive to staying alive.

Sometimes lessons come from the places you would never think to look for them. I have always been a Teri Hatcher fan for some reason. Since she burst onto the scene in Lois and Clark way back in the 90s, I have had a soft spot for her. She is a little quirky and seems genuine despite recent reports that she is a diva bitch. I bought her book, Burnt Toast, for $2. After reading it, I would have paid full price. It has been a revelation and again, as things seem to be these days, just what I needed. It is aimed at women I suppose, but I liked it (no one is suprised). Besides the fact that she randomly quotes Liz Phair, I like that there is a humble honesty to the book. She didnt want to just write another celebrity vanity autobiography wherein she described all the sordid details of her life. It merely shows how we all create our own reality. If we set ourselves up to fail, we will fail. She made a choice to succeed and has. Like we all should want, she wants to put forth a genuine image of herself and therefore does not have a publicist. She seems happy, honest and grateful for her success. I would be.

School starts again for me in a few days and that is the start of something good. I know that good things will happen this year....

Before I end this posting, I want to forgive a downtown store owner for her continued abuse of potential customers. I dont really want to get into specifics but she threatens and insults. I called her a CUNT, only by way of description. She was a nasty bitch that needs some peace in her life. I dont want to carry around her negativity so I forgive and let that shit go.

Peace be with you Linda.

Any ideas for topics...

2009-12-27T02:52:00.000-08:00

PLEASE COMMENT LOL.... if anyone knows how i can put a free visitor counter on this page, let me know...

give me some topics you would like to see be discussed.. questions answered... swear words used....

if you would prefer to email.... sassbootie@yahoo.ca

thanks... and happy reading.

My Saturn Has Returned...

2009-12-27T00:42:00.000-08:00

This has been the craziest year of my life and the best year of my life. I was recently talking to a friend of mine about how when our lives were going the way they technically should, we were the most unhappy. I don't have any desire to be complacent and never want to settle. I was not a likable person in the least when this year commenced and I can only see that now. I didn't recognize that my reactions were the problem, not the situation. I could change the situation if I just got off my ass and did so. There is always a better way and a kinder way to make everything easier for everyone.

The first part of this year marked a really dark time for me. I was the most unhappy I have been in a long time. I felt lost and trapped and wasn`t sure which way was out. I felt that I would exist within that misery for the rest of my life. There was a pivotal moment that changed it all for me. I was given a choice and knew it was over. Something clicked in my brain and I knew there was no going back. There was no reason to go back into a relationship that was dead. I have no regrets other than dragging it out so long. For both our sakes, we needed to move on and I do wish him all the best now that he too is free from the emotional prison we had resigned ourselves to.

During my transition from the land of coupledom to single life, I met a lot of nice guys and am friends with a handful of them still. I cant help but make friends and talk to people. Its something I get from my dad. I could strike up a conversation with some crazy bitch while she is high on speed and bummed out about a recent break-up and on the hunt for ice cream. That actually happened tonight and we talked for about half an hour about life. She wanted my number afterwards, but I declined and she sped off but let me know that she hoped we would meet again. No harm done, but thats just who I am. I make it easy for people to talk and i hope the reason is that I am a capable listener. I try to be. I try not to interrupt, although I often do. It is only out of genuine interest and excitement for what the other person is talking about. I love hearing what is going on in peoples heads... That makes for awkward dating. On a date you are supposed to basically sell yourself, but in the initial stages, I am more interested in what the other person has to say. This tends to make people think that I am quiet....and as time goes by, they start to wish that this was the truth.

Early into my new found freedom and personal exploration, I started to feel an enormous sense of self start to develop. It wasn't all a huge spiritual journey though. I had spent almost 8 years with one person and I was on the hunt for fresh meat. Needless to say, I found my fair share.... anyways, I digress... Shortly after I was feeling settled into my new chaotic life, I got the god damn Chicken Pox..in the middle of a heat wave. It was the worst and the best experience I could have had. It was extremely painful, but it forced me to slow down and really evaluate what was happening in my life. A guy I had basically just met sent me some invaluable gifts to make me feel better. The Secret, a movie with the cheesiest cover ever eventually helped me see how I had created my own reality. I had previously rejected it based upon that and Oprahs endorsement of it. I feel like a fucking mystic but the spiritual science that are conceptualized within that movie and book make total sense to me. Eckhart Tolles book, A New Earth, touched upon similar themes but focused more on inner growth and letting go of a past that doesnt matter. It doesnt matter because it has no effect whatsoever on the present. The only time we have is now. It was fucking brilliant and exactly what I had been looking for at that moment. It came to me when I was ready for it...

Another book that I read while home sick was Wally Lambs, The Hour I First Believed. It had been a long time since a book made me cry, but this one made me bawl. It was about grieving and forgiveness and was framed around the 1999 shootings in Columbine. Along with everything else that had happened and my isolation caused by being sick, the book sent me into hysterics. I couldnt stop crying while laying on the couch in agony. I think I let everything go during this time. I needed a release and that book broke the damn wide open.

I had been toying with the idea of going back to school for some time, probably since last year. I finally decided that it was time. I had to move back in with parents anyway, so I might as well take advantage of the opportunity. I am glad that I did, even though it was a hardcore bitch. I did well though and managed to do quite well in the classes I took. I still have a brain and no one asks if I am faculty, so Im happy.

With a little help (in the form of urging from the boy I am currently kissing) I was able to quit smoking for good this year. A good friend recommended an amazing book that was invaluable in keeping me quit, but more on that later. Quitting was never something I had really previously thought I could successfully do. After quitting all the other times, I had still wanted to smoke cigarettes all the time. I frequently did so, even though I knew I should quit. I had perceived it as extremely difficult and impossible to do. I often wished that I could write about it here, but was totally embarrassed that I was still smoking after I had essentially quit. Every time I asked someone for a cigarette, I thought it would be my last... but it never was.

I am now convinced that I have quit for good. I am not going to preach... well Ill try. I just want to say that I feel amazing since quitting and if you have a desire to do so but feel that it is hopeless, please read, The Easyway To Stop Smoking by Allen Carr. It really only requires minimal effort and it fucking works! Stop looking at me like that you cynical bitches...it worked for Ellen Degeneres. Anything that works for a lezzie can work for anyone. Follow the instructions and change your life... its not a scam. Smoking is.

Overall, I dont know where this year has gone. The time has gone so fast. I feel more like myself and am not exactly where I want to be, but I am on my way. I no longer feel a great resistance from myself. I am happy with who I am dating. Christmas was just....no drama... sweet. My life finally feels like my own. It feels like it belongs to me and is.. it just IS. The less I try to make it into something, the more it all falls into place. Next year is going to be MY year... I can feel it in my bones.

"I always envisioned her looking like a spindly blonde, but she looked like me".

2009-12-23T01:46:00.000-08:00

Brittany Murphy was a crazy quirky actress. I was a huge fan and how could you not be? She had an exuberance and bubbly nature that transcended the usual Hollywood bullshit and facade. Regardless of the possible shady circumstances surrounding her death, I loved most of her movies. Usually, even if I didn't like the movie as a whole, I found her role endearing. I know as soon as famous people die, people tend to act like they were the best thing that ever lived and a master of their craft, but I genuinely liked Brittany.

Although she had a number of memorable performances, my favorites are:

Riding in Cars With Boys: I love everything about this movie, but the humanity she brought to this role melted my heart. It also had her brand of nutso all over the role. This movie bombed at the box office and indirectly resulted in a million mediocre Drew Barrymore rom-coms, but I couldn`t get enough of it. I even watched the commentary.... I will probably watch it again soon. The tragedy of Faye, as portrayed by Murphy, was heartbreaking. She was ultimately forced into every decision she (never) made.

Little Black Book: A fantastic little film that comments on the trash talk industry in a very interesting way. It also comments on technology and relationships. It is a smarter film than the previews would imply. Brittany Murphy holds her own while sharing screen time with Kathy Bates and Holly Hunter.

The Groomsmen: This is one of my favorite movies in general. The entire cast is wonderful and it is extremely easy to empathize with each of them by the end of the movie. Everyone is in town for a wedding. Brittany Murphy plays the pregnant bride. The characters are so well written, it would be hard for anyone to fuck it up. I don't want to give too much away, but the events are portrayed very realistically and there is a character for everyone to relate to. I highly recommend this film and Ed Burns movies in general. He directed, starred in and wrote this one. It is his masterpiece.

Hell, I even liked Just Married. Now, I`m not going to say she would have won an Oscar, but it was possible. I will say that she was a unique and interesting talent. From the interviews I had seen, heard and read, she was also a decent human being. She may have had various problems, but in her heart she seemed genuinely to love life. Without any intention of projecting undeserved accolades on her, I will miss her. I liked her and continue to appreciate the work and persona she put forth.

Later Brittany,
Jon

ischt was a year in film.... 2009 ischt the year.

2009-12-22T01:22:00.001-08:00

Through some major miracle, I got a life this year and ended up seeing far less movies than i saw the year before. I broke up with my ex which meant no more free movies.... oh well. As a result, My movies of the year list is short and sweet. There are only five movies on this list, but they are the cream of the crop, ladies and gentlemen! Enjoy and if you haven`t seen them, get to it. :)

1. WATCHMEN

I have never read the graphic novel on which this movie was based, but i now intend to do so. It is one of only a few, if not the only graphic novel to be nominated for a pulitzer prize. Watchmen is by far my favorite comic book movie that has ever been made. Each scene is so tightly woven into the theme of the story as a whole. Although the story exists in a parallel universe, it`s message and politics can be applied to our world. The movie is about a little of everything. I have watched it about a half dozen times already. If interested in movies with a deeper meaning and that comment on society and human nature, this movie is for you. If you don`t feel as though you can sit through three hours of film magic, stay at least for the opening montage. It is nothing short of brilliant and uses Bob Dylan in the most effective way I have seen on film. In fact, the movie uses music consistently well throughout, but it does pretty much everything well. I can not reccomend a more entertaining and thoughtful movie this year. I don`t think it did too well at the box office, and that should be a sign it will one day become a cult classic..... topics covered: race, war, homophobia, religion, fate, politics, eithics, media etc, etc.

2. UP IN THE AIR

George Clooney makes very interesting choices as an artist. He could have played romantic leads in congruence with his ER character, which probably would have seen his career fizzle out pretty quick. The man has looked 48 since his 30s. He has chosen often quirky roles and directed one of my favorite movies about censorship in the media, Good Night, and Good Luck. I digress though... the lead role in this movie was written specifically for Clooney, by Juno director, Jason Reitman. His character travels a lot and fires people and loves doing what he does. He meets a fellow traveller along the way who is his female equivalent. She even states, Ì am you, except with a vagina.`` It isn`t love, but its something close. He is blind sided when his company hires a little spitfire eager beaver who has new ideas to streamline operations. It upsets his whole sense of self, which is derived from what he does for a living and the travel time that it formerly allowed him. The movie is neither cookie cutter, nor sentimental. It is merely a story that feels realistic and reflects our times and our struggling economy. Those two things, much like this film, are amusing on the downbeat.

3. BRUNO

The most homosexual movie I have ever seen. It isn`t offensive unless you are a prude. I suppose the subject matter could be contrued as crude, but I have never been an expert on that sort of thing. I wasn`t a huge fan of Borat, but gay jokes are inherently funnier than racist ones. All I know is this: It comments on homophobia and the obsession with celebrity. It hits every mark correctly and unlike a billion so-called hilarious movies (The Hangover = borefest), it was actually funny.

4. INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS

I have always had a large interest in the Holocaust and World War 2. I can`t fathom the level of fear and will to survive that it must have taken for anyone living during that time. It was a horrible time in history, but one we can learn from. Now.... Tarantino has a highly stylized way of retelling the story of WW2, but it works. These specific events never really happened, but the sentiment of the film is a big fuck you to all bigotry. It makes fun of nationalism while exposing the dirty, bloody and unheroic side of war. War is ugly and people get killed. It is a more mature vision for the director and thank god because I really hated Pulp Fiction. However, I have liked his past few films, so maybe I should give that one another chance.

5. ZOMBIELAND

I never said that I hate horror movies. I have always said that I Love Woody Harrelson. This is a quirky mix of character based comedy and blood spattered gore. It is a likable and fun film that pretty much came out of nowhere and suprised everyone. I think by now everyone knows the premise of a zombie movie, but it was nice to see one with some heart. A guy is just trying to get laid in a what happens to be a zombie infested world.

Misses and Shitfests:

The Hangover: Not all that funny. Yeah, so there was a tiger. I didn't really care.
Up: I hate cartoons....and those balloons would not hold that house up.
Precious: Oprah wants an Oscar. Mariah can't act. Monique was pretty damn good though. Main girl could barely breathe... felt very much like all of O films... (made for tv)
District 9: Yeah, I get the point.....just like real slum ghetto. Let me roll my eyes while I laugh at your cartoonish aliens and clumsy CGI. The plot points were equally atrocious. DISASTER!
Paranormal Activity: Not scary... boring as shit.
Surrogates: Bruce Willis.

To See:

A Single Man
Pirate Radio
Fantastic Mr. Fox
Broken Embraces

Music of the year of the Tiger :)

2009-12-16T19:42:00.000-08:00

1) Lady GaGa - The Fame Monster

Sorry! Like everyone else, I have become infatuated with her. She is challenging what we think of a dance star typically representing. I wasnt a huge fan of the first album, although I recognized it was pretty good pop music.
The artistic leap forward that this EP takes and indicates for her future endevours is phenomenal. The Monster metaphor is strong throughout the 8 conscise songs, representing her various fears. Her image is part of the package, but the associations between image and her music dont seem to be arbitrary. The inner freakshow is on display in both. The id is on the outside of her body. It wouldn't work though, if the songs weren't good.

The first song, Bad Romance, has her chasing after someone she knows is bad for her. She knows this, but is hopelessly in love none the less. Alejandro imagines a romantic fucked up love that isn't going to work. Too many men and choices to make. Monster is a warning about a smooth talker with a big dick. Tons of trouble, the likes of which we have all seen before. haha
Speechless, a song about someone giving up and breaking up with you. Specifically, someone self-destructive and alcoholic is the problem in this song and it is crushing. Dance in the Dark is about the dark side of beauty and how it is a killer. It says so much about our conception of what is beautiful and comments on the make-over industry as a whole. Telephone....I usually hate songs about phones (of which there are many), but this one is more about obsession and the invasive and pervasive nature of modern technology on our lives. We are bombarded with stimuli and always available to everyone. So Happy I Could Die seems like a somber pep talk to self. Things will get better.... there is a sense of sadness and a feeling of emptiness in the song. The mood is definately unsettling. Teeth concludes by touting the gloriousness of hot, dirty sex which seems to still be taboo in our society.

"Some girls won't dance to the beat of the track. She won't walk away, but she won't look back."

2) Patrick Wolf - The Bachelor

This is part one of two. The second, The Conquerer, is scheduled to be released next year and is supposed to be lighter fare than this. The Bachelor focuses on social battles and personal demons throughout the album. The album incorporates traditional irish intruments and sometimes abrasive dance beats to great effect. The chaos is countered by lush strings and piano. It begins as a beautiful exercise in self-destruction. The Bachelor gets lost on his journey and ends up going to war. In the end, he reaches out for someone to provide a silver lining to his dreary darkness. It is all very dramatic and romantic.....by the end, he is ready to fight for what he knows is right and for his happiness.

"I won't fear what tomorrow may take. Stay Blind to my future and fate."

3) Two Hours Traffic - Territory

Brilliant! The lyrics match the melody perfectly. It is an achievement in storytelling and cohesiveness. A lot of bands with twice the hype havent made albums this good. (I`m looking at you Wilco!). Weightless One is as perfect a song I have heard this year. It is the most dreamy song I have heard about falling in love at the bar. It reminds me of the Shins and Fleetwood Mac. Just Listen is about cock-blocking yourself in order to be a friend. Monster Closet probably wasnt intended as a homo intensive song, but that is how I choose to interpret it.

"Just listen. Consider this your mission. Its not your turn to speak."

4) Metric - Fantasies

I dont know if the intention was to stop making hit-or-miss, self consciously pretentious music, but that is the ultimate result. This is luscious, hard hitting and atmospheric rock music. It has a very modern sound and incorporates dance influences, but sounds as organic and authentic as anything Jack White ever put out. All elements mesh together perfectly. This is the first Metric album that I dont have to skip songs on.

``Watch out cupîd stuck me with a sickness. Pull your arrows out and let me live my life.``

5) Tegan and Sara - Sainthood

This album took slightly longer to appreciate than their last album, but it has a more uniform sound to it. The songs are weirder and the song structures are increasingly obscure. The songs dont make sense sometimes, but something still resonates. The songs are about relationships, Gastown and future aspirations. What is thankfully missing are the lesbian haircuts of the 90s. I did not enjoy the haircut contributions.

"If youre thinking anything, youre thinking endlessly."

6) Mika - The Boy Who Knew Too Much

Bitch is going through adolescence now. While no longer five years old, he is a fruity teenage queen. The message of the first song, We Are Golden, is to be yourself at all costs. All you have is personal integrity. Agreed. The rest of the album consists of ruminations on sexuality, often through the use of quirky character studies. It s all melodic and one track is a stylistic shout out to George "I-Fuck-in-the-bushes" Micheal. If the first album sounded like a circus, this is the equivalent of being on a carnival ride at dusk. It is a bit darker, a little romantic and kind of creepy. It is still plenty fun though.

``Blame it on the girls who know what to do. Blame it on the boys that keep hitting on you.``

7) Pearl Jam - Backspacer

PJ are making music that sounds explicitly commercial again. It has been quite a while and now I feel old. It shouldnt have negative connotations though. The band sounds more interesting than they ever have. They have nothing to prove anymore and can sell out stadiums at the drop of a hat. I guess they just wanted to write some really good and thoughtful rock songs. It seems like a lot of rock music of late is concerned with style over substance. This is one of the few grunge rock acts making anything of consequence. Are they the only one leftÉ lol

"My dear, the end comes near. Im here, but not much longer."

8) Adam Lambert - For Your Entertainment

I have been waiting to see a male pop artist with a little edge and rock in him. it usually turns out to be pure cheese and doesnt have an ounce of genuine personality in it. I had been waiting for someone to come along and do it right. I didn`t expect it to be an American Idol contestant. I have never watched the show but they havent exactly encouraged that personality is an essential part of a song. Kelly Clarkson just happens to be a firecracker and here is another one. The cover of the album is hilariously campy as is the music. Nothing is taken too seriously. He comes across like a male version of P!NK. This is a pretty good debut album and his personality is all over it.

``You got something to say. Your hands are tied. Open your mouth. Open it wide.>

9) Every Avenue - Picture Perfect

Builds upon their debut. The production is better and so are the songs. Im also a sucker for albums about crazy bitches that ruin lives. Anyway, the songs are amazing throughout. I havent heard a better pop punk album this year. There are potential singles everywhere although Im a bit of a snob in the sense that I dont listen to rock radio. The hooks are everywhere and the songs are varied. That seems to be a lot to ask of music nowdays.

"And now you're knocking on my front door. That's what I've been living for. Excuse me while I laugh my ass off."

10) Kelly Clarkson - All I Ever Wanted

This was basically my break-up album.....(along with some Jack's Mannequin). It came out around the same time I gained my freedom and highlighted many of the dysfunctions that contributed to my own relationship`s demise. I thought I wouldn`t exist without him and that I belonged in that dysfunction. The album follows a relationship from the realization that there are problems within it to the break-up. It continues through to the sense of relief that falls over you when you are on the other side of it and everything seems bright and possible again. Musically, it is a good mix of pop and rock sensibilities.

`My heartbeat beats me senselessly. Why`s everything got to be so intense with meÉ``

Breakdown:
Homos: 5
Former American Idol contestants: 2
Maple Flavored Bands: 3

Honorable Mentions:

Placebo - Battle for the Sun : For what it's worth I love this album. It made me realize they are more than one shitty single back in the 90s. It is solid and it is a shame that North America ignores them.
Cobra Starship - Hot Mess : Consistent and catchy dance rock. Basically a pretty great album that maybe should be on the proper list but I wanted to stop at ten.
Chester French - Love The Future: Varied and I like his voice a lot. Good.
A Camp - Colonia: Trumps the debut and sounds retro-future classic.
Rihanna - Rated R: First Rihanna album I like. She lets loose finally.
All Time Low - Nothing Personal: Much of it sounds same as debut album, but the chances they do take work out for the best. They tend to be the best songs on the album.
We The Kings - Smile Kid: Released late in the year. It takes the wonderful debut and builds on it wonderfully. Richer melodies and stronger lyrics.
Brendan Benson - My Old, Familiar Friend: His best album in a long line of underappreciated albums. He is a force of melody.
Phoenix - Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix: Havent had enough time with it yet...but I likey.
John Mayer - Battle Studies: Sweet songs and sweet songwriting from a self-proclaimed douchebag.

Nuh Uh

Ben Lee - The Rebirth of Venus: Every song has to be a cult sing-along. Not into it so much. There are a few good songs though....
Nine Black Alps - Locked Out From The Inside: Songs are good, but it sounds like it was recorded, mixed and produced for 85 cents.
The Sounds - Crossing the Rubicon: The songs are wonderfully crafted. It is too bad that the singer cant sing well enough to make the songs work. Midnight Sun is a highlight.

The rest just blend in and are neither bad nor great........

"Dont waste your time on people going nowhere. Make up your own mind and you are already halfway there." -....................Brendan Benson

be a follower, not a leader

2009-11-27T00:36:00.000-08:00

if you read this blog, please sign up as a follower
its on the left upper part of the page (but slightly down a bit)....just click the icon and followe the directions using your google, aim or yahoo account. its the only way i really know if anyone gives a shite about the blog. i like to know who is reading :)

if you dont wanna join, leave a comment....thanks :)

the unusualist

2009-11-26T04:06:00.000-08:00

i keep noticing that there are more of those people that are unusualists(stolen from details magazine: the gayest straight male magazine). things that shouldnt exist within public space and dont traditionally, keep popping up. the fourth wall is being broken down, so to speak, with increasing frequency. people are sharing more of their personal bullshit than ever. anyone can potentially become a celebrity through a wide array of ability to self expose and perform on so-called reality shows and such.

(although books are dying), a lot of authors are messing with the format of the novel: A Heartbreaking work of staggering genuis by dave eggers is not written like a normal novel. i dont think johnathan safran foer is capable of writing a normal novel. it is less relevant whether a story is true than whether the sentiment behind it is (sorry OPRAH). why should we tell stories the same wayÉ Our world doesnt operate by the same standards as it used to. everything is accellerated and fragmented. we basically live in a stained glass window mosaic of culture. everything we experience is smashed up and made into something new and beautiful....

and we can share it all with the click of a button.

pop music is getting weirder. rihanna has had some interesting beat into her. i like hearing swear words coming out of her mouth. i enjoy that she is talking about being a rockstar with tongue in cheek. call yourself a fucking idiot....(she has a whole song about being stupid). the darker side of life is inherently more interesting than the lighter side. by exposing bad things and putting a positive spin on those explorations, makes it interesting. it elevates the entire experience. maybe things are merely just getting back to weird after a slight period of boring.

lady gaga is popularizing the internal becoming external. her musical evolution exemplifies the darker side of life. everything is in excess and everything is now a Monster. things are definitely getting weirder. artists and people in general are not giving a fuck. the economy is still in the shitter, so whatever happens in the public sphere at this point people are taking as par for the course. boring bullshit in any form isnt selling, so why not play it unsafe? she seems to be pushing some of the same buttons that Marilyn Manson pushed in the 90s. The main difference is that she is operating within the pop music realm, which in a lot of ways is more subversive. At the moment, there aren't very many provocative dance-pop artists. Madonna is too old and just comes off creepy. Who else is left?

BAD

There is much to be said about romanticizing a doomed relationship, a bad romance. she is coming undone and gradually the inside is appearing on the outside. the soul is inverted and magnified. she calls out for the abuse, she does really want it. the drama alleviates the boredom. fear always contains an element of desire. its gonna be more exciting. someone so beautiful and destructive at the same time. that which is has the potential to ruin us is the most precious thing we have. he wants to be with someone else. there is a misunderstanding to start. the jealousy is ever present even at the beginning of the relationship. he is bad for me. i want the drama... i dont want my lover to be my friend.

ROMance. ``Ì want your Psycho. I want your Vertigo shtick. I want you in my rear window.`` -stefani germanotta

who wouldnt want some hitchcock bullshit in his or her lifeÉ

i dont think people are all that concerned with being likable anymore. everyone just wants to be recognized for accomplishments. the term accomplishment can be appropriated to mean anything though and is so subjective. for some it may mean monetary successes, but the truer meaning of accomplishment has more to do with what each person offers the world. Ellen Degeneres told me that everyone on this earth has a purpose and that everyone`s purpose is different. i believe her.

``i touch myself can`t get enough`` - stefani germanotta

i wanna see you strut! strut! come on walk for me! (the obligatory 'welcome back' gay post.)

2009-11-22T20:37:00.000-08:00

(the picture above may be removed for being too straight. that pose is heterofabulous)

The latest American Idol runner up, and current media gay, Adam Lambert is getting a lot of flack lately for not being gay enough for OUT magazine. He merely asked not to look too gay for the cover. There is really no need for him to be a representative of the community as a whole. I don't see why every time a gay person comes out of the closet they are expected to be like every other homosexual. He just didn't want them to over-do it and make that the focus of his appearance on the cover. Wouldn't it make more sense to celebrate him for his artistic and musical contributions rather than his homosexuality? It can be acknowledged that he is a fag making a career for himself and move on. It is not his job to be the go-to-gay for every gay person in North America. I would hope that we are more diverse than that implies. As Lambert himself has suggested, why cant we celebrate the ways in which we are all different rather than continue to promote a segregation of gays based on their differences from the straights? He is not living his life to promote the gay agenda.... he is merely doing what he wants and needs to do for his career.

"its really not that deep." (Adam Lambert on the implications of him posing with a nude female model in DETAILS)

The whole situation is being blown OUT of proportion. Ellen Degeneres went through the same type of situation. as soon as she was out as a lesbian, she became the flagship lesbian. In one of her comedy specials she made a gay joke. She joked that she had to make at least one gay joke or the audience would wonder what happened to their leader.

As far as the Glambert issue, he isn't shying away from his homosexuality. It doesn't make him any less of a homosexual because he said he would make out with a girl if he was drunk. I would make out with a thousand girls if i had enough liquor in me. I've kissed disgusting guys while intoxicated, so why not a few hot chicks?

Will there be a time in the near future that a celebrity can declare that they are gay and it wont be the focus of every interview? It already has come for the most part. Oddly enough, it only seems to be the focus of interviews and articles in the gay press. Lets talk about how good or bad his music is. That's what the mainstream media is focused on. That is what real progress is. He's here, he's queer, get used to it and move the fuck on to more interesting topics.

Sometimes I feel like a homo-representative myself. It usually happens when I'm the only gay around a bunch of breeders. Most of the time everything runs like a normal night with friends, but every drunk once in a while, the questions and useless declarations start.

"Is my best friend/husband/dog gay?"

"I have a gay friend and he likes to eat tacos."

"My gay brother likes Madonna. Do you?"

That last question is probably unnecessary. ALL GAY MEN LOVE MADGE! The rest however, I don't know the answers to. That is precisely the point; there is no set of personality or hobby criteria that can determine whether a guy (or girl) is a homosexual or not, bar one. If you catch them using a dick as a pacifier, they are probably gay. If they aren't gay, that is one sick hypnotist out to get them.

Lesbians on the other hand can be spotted. Just look for the tool belt. Once you have identified one, get out of her way. ;)

p.s. I just found out that Lambert kissed some guy during the American Music Awards. Good enough for me. lol

If you ever find the thing that you lack but you know you're only having a laugh and here we go again...

2009-07-23T00:56:00.001-07:00

Being a social person and a solitary one do not have to be mutually exclusive. The dichotomy keeps us interesting. People that don't take time to spend time in their own head's have little to nothing to offer in social situations. One facilitates the other and it is a precarious balance between the two. There is little chance of us having anything of consequence to say if we don't learn what it is we want to convey to the world. Instead of being feared, being alone should be an important counterpart to socializing.

I have always been an avid reader, but do so in a sporadic manner. I am usually going at a steady pace until I find a book I don't like. Its worse when I think it will get better, because I have to keep reading and not let the book, "win." Any book has a character or a piece of it that can be taken away and related to one's own life. Even bad books give me something or give me other views of the world. A really good book will make my head spin and send my world upside down and change me irrecoverably. I find movies or TV on DVD to watch. Anything I choose to spend time ripping into tends to be about the human condition. It is an obsession with figuring out how and what makes people do the things they do. Wanting to know what makes people tick is what makes me tick.

I have plans and outlets for my creativity and sometimes, like the hippy that I wish I was, I feel formal education wringing it out of me. It was pointed out by a friend though, that I should play the game. Once it is complete, I have the ticket to disrupt the constructs from the inside and unleash what is inside of me onto the world; making the personal experience a public one. There is a great pretentiousness in wanting to live your life as art. That is where my sensibilities lie though. Every life event I deign to be a representation of our culture as a fucking whole. If I'm fucked up, it means that society is. Good days are just the eye of the storm.

Classes have been registered for at university. I am going to learn how to write, which is many ways seems like a ridiculous attempt to validate my own skills to the uninitiated. My talents should be wildly apparent already, and honed to the best of my ability. I have been on the verge of an amazing screenplay for years now. I told my family that I was going to write 3 books in the near future. The first will be titled, The Racist (about my father); the second, The Crazy (about my brother); and the third, The Prude (about my mother).

The last time I was in school, I was young and didn't really have a sense of what kind of person I was. What my purpose was in relation to other people and in relation to history in both a personal sense and a greater farther reaching one. I'm still figuring it out. I couldn't relate to most people though, which I have now realized is futile and have given up. If I can find a few people that I can make sense of and at least understand on some level, I'm winning. It is better to never really worry about acceptance. I think I will be able to win people over and do something real with my writing instead of have it pile up on the interweb. When interested in something, I tend to be very passionate and excitable on the subject. I want its influence to be known by all. My screenplay, like all great things, should be about me.

This is the first time I have been able to really stop and examine what has happened in my life in the past few months. This is the first time in a long time I have thought about the kind of person I am and want to be. I am home sick and isolated with adult chicken pox. It has occur ed during a horrible heat wave and although I now feel relatively OK, I am still not ready to be released into the public. This is the first time i have really cried about anything in a long time.

I recently watched the movie, Rebel Without A Cause, and relate to the disaffection of the youth. They deliberately are delinquents and looking for a value system other than that of their parents. Understandable to me, are their feelings of incomplete acceptance and a questioning of the world at large. That is how it should be. Only by living do we find the answers we are looking for, not from external sources. Ultimately, we only have to answer to ourselves.

When I am meeting and getting to know new people, I am simply looking for what they see in me. I am forever curious as to how I present myself to the world. Paying attention to what their first impressions are and how their opinion of me changes over time fascinates me. I don't really believe that it becomes better or worse, as personality is far more dynamic than those terms allow. Just as art reflects the society in which it is created, these relationships reflect back to me the things I have discovered in private that have allowed me to grow. People are the most interesting thing on earth. We are in a constant and therefore, phenomenal, flux.

great great minds against themselves conspire

2009-07-19T04:56:00.000-07:00

My family is pretty crazy in general but my brother is one of a kind. He is the weirdest person I have ever met. We aren't very close, although it seems to be getting better. My mother didn't want him to know that I am gay for the longest time, but he pretty much started figuring it out on his own and I ended up telling him outright after he asked me if I had ever been to a gay bar. It just felt like a barrier interms of having a real relationship with him. It's not that being gay is completely who I am, but it does factor in.

My brother was always a little stranger than I was and I was a pretty weird kid. I didn't go outside for recess and went through the classroom garbage can with my friend, Sonia, looking for treasures after school. As far as my brother's weirdness, I would always have girls coming up to me at school telling me that he pulled their hair or randomly told them that he likes to drink coffee or is interested in eagles. Just dumb shit that most people would work into a conversation, not start one out with. Part of his problem is that he was born a little developmentally delayed. You can't really tell by looking at him. It is only when you start talking to him that you start to sense that something may be a little off, and it is. He also has shizophrenic tendencies and some low level aspergers (high functioning autism). I don't think there is a deifinitive diagnosis yet. One of the great tragedies of my life is that he has some trouble understanding sarcasm. Much to the chagrin of my father, I am one of the most sarcastic people anyone has ever known. I use sarcasm to get through everyday life. It's just how I roll most of the time. The paradox is that even when I'm being sincere, the sarcastic nature rears it's beautiful and snobby head. It just feels natural to me and I take pride in it. I think it has actually been beneficial to my brother to be around someone like me, because if he has heard the worst, so anyone he doesn't understand he should be able to write off as being similar to me.

I have had my fair share of socailly awkward periods in my life, but the difference between me and my brother is that mine were probably self-imposed. Every person that I failed to communicate with was due to a lack of effort on my part or an apathetic approach to understanding them. It wasn't that I didn't know how to relate, or at least feign some cultural-social-ideals based likeness to another person, it was that I couldn't be bothered. My brother seems to rarely know what people are thinking. He has no choice in the matter. He still asks my mom who he should be haning out with. Maybe its neccesary, maybe she's smothering him. I'm pretty sure he manipulates the situation sometimes as his diseases and disfunctions allow. I'm not really sure. His development seems to be stalled somewhere in late adolescence, which is a shame. Its as if he almost made it to adulthood, but there are bugs in the wiring. My mother blames it partially on the umbilical cord being wrapped around his neck too long during childbirth and partially on genetics. I'm pretty sure that my grandmother had some undiagnosed mental disorders back before she had lost her marbles. She isn't totally out of it all the time, but she is peaceful and calm and not the firecracker that she once was. It is kind of unsettling that she litterally is without opinion. She always had TOO MUCH to say at any given moment. That woman knew how to charm people AND how to piss them off, often in the same day. She could go from one approach to the other in a matter of minutes. There was an art to it and if not caught up in the storm, it was a beautiful thing to watch...Life changing and spiritual.

One day I came home and my brother was wearing my mother's blouse. Apparently he likes to wear women's clothing around the house for fun. I see nothing wrong with it and nothing suprises me anymore. He feels the need to over explain everything to me even when I haven't said a single word, much less asked him a question.

"Its just a fetish. It is something I like to do, but mom won't let me wear her clothes."

"Buy your own dresses. I don't give a shit what you wear."

"That's what I said, but Mom won't let me and she thinks it's stupid. Its just a fetish of mine."

"Whatever."

Growing up, he always required more attention than I did. I was content to be by myself, and was, more frequesntly than I would like to admit. I lost myself in books and my own thoughts while my parents tended to his increasingly psychotic behaviour. I remember him shaving his head til it bled. During one of his worst times, he ate a bunch of chicken bones and tore all the stuffing out of his comforter. I would like to be able to say that I was competely sympathetic, but I wasn't. I resented him for being such a freak and many times wished he would die. I wanted peace for him, but mostly for me. His problems always became the whole family's problem. It at least became my parent's priority. I was relatively stable, so they dealt with the child that was climing the walls, understandably. I think i understood that, but every once in a while I just wished for things to be different. Why couldn't I have a normal fucking brother like everyone else? A lot of the time I still feel like an only child. I can't relate to my brother in the way that I would be able to relate to a fully functional brother. There are windows of time during which all the bullshit in his head disappears and I am able to have a real conversation with him, but they are few and far between. It feels like there is a different person inside him and glimpses of who he really is struggle through.

"I like older women..."

"How much older are we talking here?"

"...Like 50 or 60... even 70!"

"That's probably too old. What in the hell do you want a 70 year old woman for?"

"Its okay if its a nun."

"So you want to sleep with a 70 year old nun?"

"Or a Persian."

My parents went out of town not too long ago and I was going to have the house to myself a day after they left. My brother was home, but also going on some sort of camping trip for retards (before anyone gets offended, let me just say that I know its un-PC to use that word.... I just think its a fun word. Its pretty accurate, if only on a technicality. They are retartants for people that don't understand them and who they really are. Its basically a fucking compliment)the next day. I was about to leave for work for the night and walked downstairs to catch him watching an old VHS porn video. I asked him where the hell he got it and apparently it was from the sleazy video store up the road, which upon entry has an atmosphere that leads me to think it is a cover business for something far more sinister. The video looked old. It was straight porn from the 80s, I believe,.... and in French.

"Why is it in French?"

"I like it better....Its more romantic and sexier. Mom won't let me watch it."

"Whatever. I have to get to work. Just don't be fucking naked in the living room and I don't give a shit what you watch."

I will probably never feel as close to my brother as brothers should be. He will never be fully functional and normal, and he will remain the weirdest person I have in my life. At some point I will have to control his finances and manage his life in some capacity. It is a near constant that I am annoyed by him and I will never be able to live with him again on any long term basis. Still, I can't imagine the fucked up shit that happens inside his head. He has given me glimpses of it, and it looks horrible.